Carl
"Well, I'm glad we've got our boat sorted out $20,000 for both of us from here to Australia and we are leaving tomorrow thats gives us six days to get there, when this is all over we should go into the people smuggling business plenty of money in it?"
Sami
"When this is all over and we've got the cash I'm never going near another stinking third world country in my life, I've had enough of the stench of these places the foods, the customs of these people, no for me it's a life of luxury you can do what ever the fuck you want but I'm never coming back to anywhere like this ever again."
Carl
"Yeah I suppose Carl and Sami the winners of Globetrotters has a nice kind of ring to it doesn't it?"
Sami
"Sure does, I'm going to go on every talk show in the world tell them all about me and this and what a fucking great team we are!"
Carl
"What can we do to fuck up the others? I'd love to see that prick Derrick and Katherine sink to the bottom of the ocean, I tried getting some information from the smuggler about who they might use and if we could do anything to screw them over, but I don't think he understood me too well."
Sami
"And thats another thing what is it with these languages why can't they all speak English. What is it with all this gibberish? Shit don't they know they'll never be reality stars if they don't speak English."
Carl
"Thats the truth and no mistake they are that fucked up maybe they don't want it you know shit they might not even want to be us and thats just fucking weird, maybe they like living like this, they must do else they would do something about it like move to the civilised world."
Sami
"Well, I can't work them thats out for sure, Hey, maybe I should come on to Derrick lure him someplace and you take him out."
Carl
"Sounds like a good idea but we haven't got the time to do that, we are getting picked up in 4 hours and then they are taking us to the boat, We should try and get some rest it's going to be a hectic few days in that boat."
Sami
"Yeah I suppose you are right just wish there was something we could do to fuck up the other teams."
Carl
"They'll fuck things up on their own you just wait and see I have a good feeling about this challenge, I really do."
Cuts back to the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
"I wonder what is going through their minds right now and does Sami have a secret crush on Derrick, how are those two going to get that a little edge on all the others, they have a
departure time now will they be the first ones to launch their boat of human cargo and cross the sea to the promised land? Guess we'll just have to wait and see, and now we are going to see what Katherine and Derrick are doing."
Cuts back to another dark room Katherine and Derrick talking.
Derrick
"I know it was a lot of money but do you know how to drive a boat? No! So thats why we had to use him to get us there you'll see it will be money well spent."
Katherine
"Do you drive a boat? All I'm saying is $30,000 for both of us seems a lot thats all, I mean these people live on a few dollars a day, how can they charge us that much for a few days on a boat?"
VoiceoverJohnny Paradis'
"30 grand they must be on a luxury people smuggler for that kind of money folks! Its first class all the way with Derrick and K ha,ha,ha,ha. Thats $7,000 more than anyone else paid, maybe they are going to become pirates make a few people walk the plank."
Derrick
"I know its a lot but you don't know west from your asshole and I've never sailed or driven a boat in my life, so if you had a better idea you should have said something."
Katherine
"I was just saying it's a lot of money thats all. Nothing more. So he'll be back here tomorrow night to pick us up and take us to the boat?"
Derrick
"Well, if he wants his money he will be we're are leaving on an evening tide round sunset he said."
Cuts back to the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
"And now a word from our friends at Extreme Tourism."
Cuts to an ad. The ad presenter is a typical infomercial presenter. The ad begins with standard holiday pictures resorts sandy beaches, theme parks etc then changes to war zones, the sight of a car bomb attack dead bodies and blood everywhere other scenes of devastation all of them with a happy couple in the foreground posing for a picture.
Presenter
"Are you bored with the same old holiday destinations? Had enough of tour groups and theme parks? Scenic tours and wine tasting ? Want to feel alive again? Live on the edge? If you have answered yes to any of those questions we can help you plan the holiday of a lifetime. Here at Extreme Tourism we listen to you and to what you want, three weeks on the front line of a guerilla war, no problem. Want to run chemical weapons across borders then we are the people for you. But hey, don't just take my word for it here're some of our happy Extreme Tourists who made it home."
Cuts to a man in his lounge room TV on showing his holiday video. Jungle warfare.
Client one
"Why I never thought I'd be on the front line of a guerilla war but I just came back from three weeks of fighting mayhem and murder and I just loved every minute of it, we're already planning our next holiday with Extreme Tourism. It's a cheap holiday in others peoples misery and we just loved it."
Cuts to a woman in her lounge room TV on showing her holiday video.
Client two
"I've never felt so alive crossing the border with all them weapons outsmarting the police and border guards, I've told all my friends and family about it! Next time we're even bringing the kids!"
Cuts back to the presenter walking through a call centre.
Presenter
So there you have it folks, contact one of our friendly consultants and start planning your next holiday with us. Extreme Tourism....Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven."
Cuts back to the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
"Johnny Paradis'
I can't speak highly enough of the good people at Extreme Tourism without them and their contacts we wouldn't have a show folks and really, that's just not worth contemplating is it? It's a new day and this weeks challenge is about to get underway."
Showing posts with label Australia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Australia. Show all posts
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Episode 6
Johnny Paradis'
"And now folks we are going to cross to Natarsha Metsacker for a bit of background information on the people smuggling trade and some of the inherent risks our contestants are going to face."
Natarsha Metsacker news reader tall blonde bobbing head, looks of concern and a nice smile. She is standing on a naval dock. A warship behind her.
Natarsha Metsacker
"Thanks Johnny. Yes, this challenge presents a whole new set of problems for our contestants to overcome, we've provided them with links to different people smugglers and they must convince them that they can do the job, or should I say how much will they charge them to take control of a boat load of human misery with whom they will be at sea with for up to six days at sea in an overcrowded boat."
Cuts to pictures of overcrowded boatloads of people news photos, boats sinking, rescues.
Natarsha Metsacker
"Not only will they have to face the perils of mother nature the boats will be well to say the least pretty unseaworthy and they will have to evade Australian border security. If they get caught they are out of the race. not only that they have to avoid what befell David and Marcia you just can't trust smugglers like you used to, and what about the people they are smuggling?Many are fleeing war and persecution and they pay whatever is demanded and more to take their lives in their hands in the hope of a better life in Australia, the promised land down under, yes sharks, jellyfish, floods cyclones, snakes and crocodiles well I suppose they are desperate and as they say desperate times call for desperate measures. How many make it? How many perish at sea? These are questions we just can't answer with any degree of certainty. What we can be certain of Johnny is that it makes some people very rich but more importantly it makes for an excellent challenge for our contestants. Earlier on today I spoke to a Bundaberg Rum Australian Naval official."
Cuts to a Coast Guard Officer being interviewed on the naval dock.
Coast Guard
"G'day, I'm Lieutenant Stevo Graham its a real thrill to meet you please just call me Stevo, I just want to say I love the show never miss it. Hi Johnny. Hey kids Dads on Globetrotters. I love you Cheryl! Thats my wife she's a huge fan too. Can I get Johnny's autograph for her? Oh shit you won't use that bit?"
Natarsha Metsacker
"No, we'll edit out all the bits we don't want, here you are, just hold this up, will you?"
Hands Coast Guard a signed picture of Johnny which he holds up in front of himself.
"Coast Guard
Wow thats great thank-you so much the family are going to be rapt, this is going over the bar, pride of place some of my friends are going to be so jealous."
Natarsha Metsacker
"I'm joined now by Lieutenant Stevo' Graham, thank-you for speaking to us. Tonights challenge for our Globetrotters is to smuggle a boat load of people into Australia. What do you think there chances are?"
Coast Guard
"Seriously they have no chance of getting through we have boats, planes and a network of informants over here, we're going to get you guys. Sorry to say but your trot around the globe is coming to an end. Hope you like Australian prisons! I hear the food is pretty good these days."
Natarsha Metsacker
"Well, Johnny you heard it the Coast Guard are on the case, they don't hold out much chance for our contestants completing this challenge. Now back to you in the studio."
Coast Guard
"Oh can I say the catchphrase, please."
Natarsha Metsacker
"You go for it sailor."
Coast Guard
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! Thanks so much could I get a copy of that last bit before it gets cut out?"
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
Thanks Natarsha and thanks Stevo, like Natarsha said We'll edit out the bits we don't want, but didn't you know Stevo? We want it all ha,ha,ha,ha, remember we always love to hear from you with your thoughts and opinions no matter how inane some of them might be. Ha,ha,ha,ha, just kidding. You keep them coming in, you can email us at globetrotters.nowthatsanadventure@yahoo.com or give us your minute by minute thoughts on twitter, leave a message on Facebook the choice is yours. And don't forget to check out our interactive website for all the latest news gossip streaming pictures, and it's so cheap to have access to all of that why a premium package is only $75 a month. Think of the smiles on the kids faces when you tell them you have unlimited access to Globetrotters. You also gets great discounts on all the latest Globetrotters merchandise, I personally love these cuff links, they make a great gift for Father's day."
Shows off his cufflinks which have Johnny's face on them.
"This really does sound like a tough challenge for the teams, I wonder how they'll do? Those Coast Guard guys look like they mean business, they look like they know what they are doing and don't they look the part in those uniforms. But then again don't they always and one of our contestants always manages to get through. I really hope we get to see them in action though they look so up for the challenge. Well, now lets go back to our contestants they have all separated and our planning their strategies with the contacts inside the people smuggling operations we have set them up with they won't even know we are there, I just love spying in on them don't you?"
Cuts to dark room with Jack and Lucy and a masked man.
Tune in next week same Globetrotter time same Globetrotter channel and remember we love to hear your comments.
"And now folks we are going to cross to Natarsha Metsacker for a bit of background information on the people smuggling trade and some of the inherent risks our contestants are going to face."
Natarsha Metsacker news reader tall blonde bobbing head, looks of concern and a nice smile. She is standing on a naval dock. A warship behind her.
Natarsha Metsacker
"Thanks Johnny. Yes, this challenge presents a whole new set of problems for our contestants to overcome, we've provided them with links to different people smugglers and they must convince them that they can do the job, or should I say how much will they charge them to take control of a boat load of human misery with whom they will be at sea with for up to six days at sea in an overcrowded boat."
Cuts to pictures of overcrowded boatloads of people news photos, boats sinking, rescues.
Natarsha Metsacker
"Not only will they have to face the perils of mother nature the boats will be well to say the least pretty unseaworthy and they will have to evade Australian border security. If they get caught they are out of the race. not only that they have to avoid what befell David and Marcia you just can't trust smugglers like you used to, and what about the people they are smuggling?Many are fleeing war and persecution and they pay whatever is demanded and more to take their lives in their hands in the hope of a better life in Australia, the promised land down under, yes sharks, jellyfish, floods cyclones, snakes and crocodiles well I suppose they are desperate and as they say desperate times call for desperate measures. How many make it? How many perish at sea? These are questions we just can't answer with any degree of certainty. What we can be certain of Johnny is that it makes some people very rich but more importantly it makes for an excellent challenge for our contestants. Earlier on today I spoke to a Bundaberg Rum Australian Naval official."
Cuts to a Coast Guard Officer being interviewed on the naval dock.
Coast Guard
"G'day, I'm Lieutenant Stevo Graham its a real thrill to meet you please just call me Stevo, I just want to say I love the show never miss it. Hi Johnny. Hey kids Dads on Globetrotters. I love you Cheryl! Thats my wife she's a huge fan too. Can I get Johnny's autograph for her? Oh shit you won't use that bit?"
Natarsha Metsacker
"No, we'll edit out all the bits we don't want, here you are, just hold this up, will you?"
Hands Coast Guard a signed picture of Johnny which he holds up in front of himself.
"Coast Guard
Wow thats great thank-you so much the family are going to be rapt, this is going over the bar, pride of place some of my friends are going to be so jealous."
Natarsha Metsacker
"I'm joined now by Lieutenant Stevo' Graham, thank-you for speaking to us. Tonights challenge for our Globetrotters is to smuggle a boat load of people into Australia. What do you think there chances are?"
Coast Guard
"Seriously they have no chance of getting through we have boats, planes and a network of informants over here, we're going to get you guys. Sorry to say but your trot around the globe is coming to an end. Hope you like Australian prisons! I hear the food is pretty good these days."
Natarsha Metsacker
"Well, Johnny you heard it the Coast Guard are on the case, they don't hold out much chance for our contestants completing this challenge. Now back to you in the studio."
Coast Guard
"Oh can I say the catchphrase, please."
Natarsha Metsacker
"You go for it sailor."
Coast Guard
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! Thanks so much could I get a copy of that last bit before it gets cut out?"
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
Thanks Natarsha and thanks Stevo, like Natarsha said We'll edit out the bits we don't want, but didn't you know Stevo? We want it all ha,ha,ha,ha, remember we always love to hear from you with your thoughts and opinions no matter how inane some of them might be. Ha,ha,ha,ha, just kidding. You keep them coming in, you can email us at globetrotters.nowthatsanadventure@yahoo.com or give us your minute by minute thoughts on twitter, leave a message on Facebook the choice is yours. And don't forget to check out our interactive website for all the latest news gossip streaming pictures, and it's so cheap to have access to all of that why a premium package is only $75 a month. Think of the smiles on the kids faces when you tell them you have unlimited access to Globetrotters. You also gets great discounts on all the latest Globetrotters merchandise, I personally love these cuff links, they make a great gift for Father's day."
Shows off his cufflinks which have Johnny's face on them.
"This really does sound like a tough challenge for the teams, I wonder how they'll do? Those Coast Guard guys look like they mean business, they look like they know what they are doing and don't they look the part in those uniforms. But then again don't they always and one of our contestants always manages to get through. I really hope we get to see them in action though they look so up for the challenge. Well, now lets go back to our contestants they have all separated and our planning their strategies with the contacts inside the people smuggling operations we have set them up with they won't even know we are there, I just love spying in on them don't you?"
Cuts to dark room with Jack and Lucy and a masked man.
Tune in next week same Globetrotter time same Globetrotter channel and remember we love to hear your comments.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Episode 5
Johnny Paradis'
"Good Evening Globetrotters!"
Assembled people
"Good evening Johnny!"
Johnny Paradis'
"And how are we all tonight excited to find out what the next challenge is?"
Assembled people
"Oh yeah Johnny....We're pumped....Yeah's....Ready to go Johnny ready to go."
Johnny Paradis'
"Tonight have we got a challenge for you, you will have your normal seven days to complete the challenge and we'll be with you every step of the way."
Lucy
"What is it Johnny? Come on tell us put us out of our misery."
Johnny Paradis'
"I will Lucy I will I promise, I'm a man of my word, I just won't tell you what that word is ha,ha,ha,ha but seriously how are you guys feeling? Derrick you still think you have what it takes?"
Derrick
"I'm excited Johnny I just want to get stuck into this next challenge, we're determined to win, determined to kick ass I'm going to fuck up the competition show them what I'm made of."
Johnny Paradis'
"Thats the spirit Derrick you show us all who's the man! On a serious note folks. What impact has the loss of David and Marcia had on you? Sami, has it changed anything?"
Sami
"I mean its sad what happened to them but this is a race, a competition we're all here to win, I mean I really believe they were weak and weren't committed to winning. That's why they were eliminated."
Johnny Paradis'
"And you are Sami? Are you committed to winning?"
Sami
"Fuck yeah, one hundred and ten percent. I want to win all the money Johnny, all the money, and I want all the fame, I want to be a TV star, a youtube star I want it all. I want people to point me out and say fuck yeah there's that bitch Sami she'll kick your ass, don't fuck with her."
Johnny Paradis'
"You are one tough cookie Sami no doubt about that. Kurt and Brian you guys are getting the repudiation as the quiet ones to watch?"
Kurt
"That suits us just fine Johnny everyone keeps underestimating us but we're still here and we gonna be here at the end too, you mark my word folks. Kurt and Brian we aren't going nowhere but straight to the winners circle yes sir that's where we're headed."
Johnny Paradis'
"Not so quietly confident I like that plus I drew you guys in the office sweep, and at least this year it hasn't been the kiss of death to the contestants ha,ha,ha,ha, Well not so far anyway. And Jack what are you thinking?"
Jack
"I'm just excited about the next challenge Johnny can't wait to hear what it is. All I'm thinking is how can I win!"
Johnny Paradis'
Well, tonight folks you'll be going from Indonesia to Australia with a cargo of human misery! Thats right you guys will be hooked up with the smugglers and you will pilot the boat of people running from, well who knows what and where and hey should I pretend I care mmmm I don't think so ha,ha,ha,ha, all the way to Australia, make it to land and we'll be there to meet and greet you, and you'll be through to the next round. If you are caught or finish last you will be eliminated."
The gathered people jump up and down shouting and cheering.
Johnny Paradis'
"Well Globetrotters what do you think of that?"
Kurt
"Thats great Johnny I'm so excited I can't wait, I grew up on boats they're in my blood."
Johnny Paradis'
"So you feel you have an advantage there Kurt?"
Kurt
"Oh yeah Johnny we're as good as through! We'll show the others how it's done."
Brian
"Damn right we will Kurt!"
Jack
"Well we'll just see who makes it through Johnny but you can count on us being there."
Lucy
"We are going to win it Johnny no doubt about that, and theres nothing I, we won't do to win it Johnny."
Katherine
"I've never lost anything I've wanted to win in my life and I'm not going to start now."
Johnny Paradis'
"Positive thoughts there from all our teams and you can feel the tension in the air folks isn't that just the best? The atmosphere in there why it could almost cut your throat, you want to stay out of their way ha,ha,ha,ha, looks like they,re all going for gold."
Carl
"They can talk all the shit they want I know where the money is going and I know who the last couple standing is going to be."
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
I hear you Carl, you now have seven days to complete this challenge if you all make it
ha,ha,ha,ha what am I saying if you all make it, the last one over the line will be eliminated. Which is probably better than being exterminated just ask David and Marcia ha,ha,ha,ha, oh thats right you can't. Looks like we are in for a hard fought challenge everybody wants to win everybody is pumped up, what more do you want or need? Whats are catch phrase folks?"
Cuts back to the room where the contestants are. They all shout together.
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Johnny Paradis'
"SAY IT AGAIN PEOPLE LET ME HEAR YOU!"
Contestants
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Don't forget same Globetrotter channel same Globetrotter time. And remember we always love to hear your thoughts.
"Good Evening Globetrotters!"
Assembled people
"Good evening Johnny!"
Johnny Paradis'
"And how are we all tonight excited to find out what the next challenge is?"
Assembled people
"Oh yeah Johnny....We're pumped....Yeah's....Ready to go Johnny ready to go."
Johnny Paradis'
"Tonight have we got a challenge for you, you will have your normal seven days to complete the challenge and we'll be with you every step of the way."
Lucy
"What is it Johnny? Come on tell us put us out of our misery."
Johnny Paradis'
"I will Lucy I will I promise, I'm a man of my word, I just won't tell you what that word is ha,ha,ha,ha but seriously how are you guys feeling? Derrick you still think you have what it takes?"
Derrick
"I'm excited Johnny I just want to get stuck into this next challenge, we're determined to win, determined to kick ass I'm going to fuck up the competition show them what I'm made of."
Johnny Paradis'
"Thats the spirit Derrick you show us all who's the man! On a serious note folks. What impact has the loss of David and Marcia had on you? Sami, has it changed anything?"
Sami
"I mean its sad what happened to them but this is a race, a competition we're all here to win, I mean I really believe they were weak and weren't committed to winning. That's why they were eliminated."
Johnny Paradis'
"And you are Sami? Are you committed to winning?"
Sami
"Fuck yeah, one hundred and ten percent. I want to win all the money Johnny, all the money, and I want all the fame, I want to be a TV star, a youtube star I want it all. I want people to point me out and say fuck yeah there's that bitch Sami she'll kick your ass, don't fuck with her."
Johnny Paradis'
"You are one tough cookie Sami no doubt about that. Kurt and Brian you guys are getting the repudiation as the quiet ones to watch?"
Kurt
"That suits us just fine Johnny everyone keeps underestimating us but we're still here and we gonna be here at the end too, you mark my word folks. Kurt and Brian we aren't going nowhere but straight to the winners circle yes sir that's where we're headed."
Johnny Paradis'
"Not so quietly confident I like that plus I drew you guys in the office sweep, and at least this year it hasn't been the kiss of death to the contestants ha,ha,ha,ha, Well not so far anyway. And Jack what are you thinking?"
Jack
"I'm just excited about the next challenge Johnny can't wait to hear what it is. All I'm thinking is how can I win!"
Johnny Paradis'
Well, tonight folks you'll be going from Indonesia to Australia with a cargo of human misery! Thats right you guys will be hooked up with the smugglers and you will pilot the boat of people running from, well who knows what and where and hey should I pretend I care mmmm I don't think so ha,ha,ha,ha, all the way to Australia, make it to land and we'll be there to meet and greet you, and you'll be through to the next round. If you are caught or finish last you will be eliminated."
The gathered people jump up and down shouting and cheering.
Johnny Paradis'
"Well Globetrotters what do you think of that?"
Kurt
"Thats great Johnny I'm so excited I can't wait, I grew up on boats they're in my blood."
Johnny Paradis'
"So you feel you have an advantage there Kurt?"
Kurt
"Oh yeah Johnny we're as good as through! We'll show the others how it's done."
Brian
"Damn right we will Kurt!"
Jack
"Well we'll just see who makes it through Johnny but you can count on us being there."
Lucy
"We are going to win it Johnny no doubt about that, and theres nothing I, we won't do to win it Johnny."
Katherine
"I've never lost anything I've wanted to win in my life and I'm not going to start now."
Johnny Paradis'
"Positive thoughts there from all our teams and you can feel the tension in the air folks isn't that just the best? The atmosphere in there why it could almost cut your throat, you want to stay out of their way ha,ha,ha,ha, looks like they,re all going for gold."
Carl
"They can talk all the shit they want I know where the money is going and I know who the last couple standing is going to be."
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
I hear you Carl, you now have seven days to complete this challenge if you all make it
ha,ha,ha,ha what am I saying if you all make it, the last one over the line will be eliminated. Which is probably better than being exterminated just ask David and Marcia ha,ha,ha,ha, oh thats right you can't. Looks like we are in for a hard fought challenge everybody wants to win everybody is pumped up, what more do you want or need? Whats are catch phrase folks?"
Cuts back to the room where the contestants are. They all shout together.
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Johnny Paradis'
"SAY IT AGAIN PEOPLE LET ME HEAR YOU!"
Contestants
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Don't forget same Globetrotter channel same Globetrotter time. And remember we always love to hear your thoughts.
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