Episode 14

Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to a room the four contestants are there. We see them from their own cameras and form the ipods. Their images appear on the giant video screen.

Johnny Paradis'
"And now onto the final challenge and our final two teams. Ladies and gentlemen I give you Carl and Sami and Kurt and Lucy good evening finalists!"

Applause and cheers from the audience.

Carl
"Johnny how are you? Good to see you again."

Sami
"Hey Johnny we made it!"

Kurt
"Whats the challenge? We just want to get started."

Lucy
"I'm pumped and ready to rock n' roll."

Johnny Paradis'
"You all sound up for this weeks challenge."

Kurt
"Ready willing and able Johnny, it all comes down to the next seven days and we are going to give it everything. Coming second is not an option for us. Why second is just first of the losers and thats something we sure ain't."

Carl
"It's not an option Kurt it's an inevitability, you are going to come second. Just want to let you know. You may as well give up now."

Lucy
"Yeah you talk it up, but you know it's ours, you guys just don't have what it takes you never did and you never will you're weak and the whole world is going to see that real soon."

Sami
"All that from a back stabbing two faced bitch....If I were you Kurt I'd be watching her all the time. You're going to need eyes in the back of your head."

Johnny Paradis'
"Well no love lost between our teams is there ha,ha,ha,ha but did we really expect to feel the love at this stage? I doubt it. And do we want it? No, is my answer to that question."

Carl
"I've had no love for them since day one. I mean who could like either of them?"

Lucy
"You and her are just oxygen thieves I hope you get what you deserve in this challenge, which is precisely fuck-all. No let me rephrase that a painful, slow death would be your just deserts."

Sami
"Well hopefully somebody will put us all out of our misery and put you down in this challenge and I mean down in the ground. You are just one unpleasant bitch."

Johnny
"Think we better get these guys separated before they tear each other apart ha,ha,ha,ha
lets get onto the challenge, our contestants tonight find themselves in Mexico near the border with the good old US of A. Their task is to convince, bribe or do whatever they need to do to ensure they get to work with two of the most notorious cartels here in the border regions. Whom we have put them in contact with through our good friends at Extreme Tourism....Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven. Now these guys have not agreed to let our contestants help them, at this point all they'll do is meet them, if and when they persuade them to help they could be smuggling marijuana, methamphetamine, heroin, to a minimum of $5,000,000. They won't find out until they are trying to get across the border, then they must take payment for the shipment and get the cash back to the cartel. But as a bonus guys, anything you can make above the $5,000,000 asking price is yours to keep, though I imagine trying to barter with the buyers could pose a few problems.""

Carl
"Thats great! Can't wait to start this challenge was made for us."

Lucy
"We are so going to win this challenge with our nerves and negotiating skills I think we'll win the competition plus a nice little bonus on top."

Kurt
"I'll let my actions do the talking Johnny. You can ask me how we did it after we pick up the prize. You may as well make out the cheque right now."

Sami
"You two are all wind and piss talk, talk, talk we're going to walk all over you. Thats if they even get to attempt the challenge I mean who is going to trust them two?"

Johnny Paradis'
"This is going to be a no holds barred final I can tell ! And thats just what we've come to expect from these two teams."

Kurt
"Nothing we won't do to win Johnny, nothing."

Johnny Paradis'
"You've already proved that to us Kurt no doubt about that. I'm really looking forward to seeing you in action this week."

Sami
"I think he's just desperate, trying to talk himself up, I'm so ruthless, I'm so tough, I'm such a mean motherfucker . Your silly little mind games aren't going to work on us."

Lucy
"Thats because you don't have a mind for it to work on you two have to be the most stupid people I've ever met. You think you can beat us? Please. You must be on some seriously powerful drugs."

Carl
"Whats it like being you Lucy? It's all talk, Sami is right. We'll see you when you give us the cheque Johnny."

Cuts back to Johnny in studio. Cheers and applause from the audience.

Johnny Paradis'
"Thats two very focused teams we have here both of them very determined to win. This is going to be something to remember folks. Don't look away for a second. Who knows what you'll miss? But it's sure to be good and just imagine that awkward conversation round the water cooler having to explain how you missed the show and don't know what anyone is talking about. Well contestants its bye for now people, you'll be introduced to the people you need to meet very soon and we'll be catching up with you then. All I can say now is to wish you, like our global audience of one point five billion does is good luck! Whats our catchphrase folks?"

Cuts back to the contestants.

Carl Sami and Kurt and Lucy
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"

Cuts back to Johnny in studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.

Johnny Paradis'
"It sure is for those guys and the best is yet to come. And we'll be right back after this message from our good friends at Extreme Tourism....Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven."

Cuts to an ad. The ad presenter is like an infomercial presenter. Ad begins with standard holiday pictures resorts sandy beaches, theme parks etc then changes to war zones, the sight of a car bomb attack dead bodies and blood everywhere other scenes of devastation all of them with a happy couple in the foreground posing for a picture.

Presenter
"When someone says cruise do you want to snooze? If someone says lovely coach tours do you think they're bores? If you answered yes we have some great African adventures for you, three weeks with North African pirates or how about a month with a warlord in sub-Saharan Africa? Rape pillage and plunder to your hearts content, Does that sound like you? We can help you organise the holiday of a lifetime. Here are some of our happy clients who made it home just listen to what they have to say."

Cuts to a man in his lounge room large TV showing his holiday videos. Attacking a village in Africa.

Client one
"We had the best three weeks of my life, we lived with a warlord went on two raids into the villages and towns and took part in a massacre! Several interrogations, and boy don't they know how to make someone talk it was just the best fun. We're already thinking about our next holiday in hell."

Cuts to a woman in her lounge large TV showing her holiday video boarding a supertanker with pirates.

Client two
"We took the whole family and got to board and take control of a super tanker held the crew hostage and even helped with the negotiations. I can tell you we'll never forget this holiday. It was excitement from start to finish. I can't recommend them highly enough."

Presenter
"No matter what you want to do, no matter what laws or taboos you want to break here at Extreme Tourism we can help you plan that perfect holiday, just call one of our friendly consultants or check our online package deals we've got something for everyone, no matter what your tastes are because remember Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven."

Cuts back to Johnny in studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.

Johnny Paradis'
"How could you not have fun on holidays like those, seriously, I've had three holidays with Extreme Tourism and I've loved every minute of them. You know you deserve a holiday and those
guys will make sure you have one, one you will never forget. We now know what are contestants challenge is and before we get to see how they go with their negotiations let's get some background information on the cartels that control the border area and what their methods are. And who better to give us all that than our very own Natarsha Metsacker."

Cuts to the border crossing. On the Mexican side. Queues of cars in the background lots of Police and soldiers.

Episode 8

Carl
"Well, I'm glad we've got our boat sorted out $20,000 for both of us from here to Australia and we are leaving tomorrow thats gives us six days to get there, when this is all over we should go into the people smuggling business plenty of money in it?"

Sami
"When this is all over and we've got the cash I'm never going near another stinking third world country in my life, I've had enough of the stench of these places the foods, the customs of these people, no for me it's a life of luxury you can do what ever the fuck you want but I'm never coming back to anywhere like this ever again."

Carl
"Yeah I suppose Carl and Sami the winners of Globetrotters has a nice kind of ring to it doesn't it?"

Sami
"Sure does, I'm going to go on every talk show in the world tell them all about me and this and what a fucking great team we are!"

Carl
"What can we do to fuck up the others? I'd love to see that prick Derrick and Katherine sink to the bottom of the ocean, I tried getting some information from the smuggler about who they might use and if we could do anything to screw them over, but I don't think he understood me too well."

Sami
"And thats another thing what is it with these languages why can't they all speak English. What is it with all this gibberish? Shit don't they know they'll never be reality stars if they don't speak English."

Carl
"Thats the truth and no mistake they are that fucked up maybe they don't want it you know shit they might not even want to be us and thats just fucking weird, maybe they like living like this, they must do else they would do something about it like move to the civilised world."

Sami
"Well, I can't work them thats out for sure, Hey, maybe I should come on to Derrick lure him someplace and you take him out."

Carl
"Sounds like a good idea but we haven't got the time to do that, we are getting picked up in 4 hours and then they are taking us to the boat, We should try and get some rest it's going to be a hectic few days in that boat."

Sami
"Yeah I suppose you are right just wish there was something we could do to fuck up the other teams."

Carl
"They'll fuck things up on their own you just wait and see I have a good feeling about this challenge, I really do."

Cuts back to the studio.

Johnny Paradis'
"I wonder what is going through their minds right now and does Sami have a secret crush on Derrick, how are those two going to get that a little edge on all the others, they have a
departure time now will they be the first ones to launch their boat of human cargo and cross the sea to the promised land? Guess we'll just have to wait and see, and now we are going to see what Katherine and Derrick are doing."

Cuts back to another dark room Katherine and Derrick talking.

Derrick
"I know it was a lot of money but do you know how to drive a boat? No! So thats why we had to use him to get us there you'll see it will be money well spent."

Katherine
"Do you drive a boat? All I'm saying is $30,000 for both of us seems a lot thats all, I mean these people live on a few dollars a day, how can they charge us that much for a few days on a boat?"

VoiceoverJohnny Paradis'
"30 grand they must be on a luxury people smuggler for that kind of money folks! Its first class all the way with Derrick and K ha,ha,ha,ha. Thats $7,000 more than anyone else paid, maybe they are going to become pirates make a few people walk the plank."

Derrick
"I know its a lot but you don't know west from your asshole and I've never sailed or driven a boat in my life, so if you had a better idea you should have said something."

Katherine
"I was just saying it's a lot of money thats all. Nothing more. So he'll be back here tomorrow night to pick us up and take us to the boat?"

Derrick
"Well, if he wants his money he will be we're are leaving on an evening tide round sunset he said."

Cuts back to the studio.

Johnny Paradis'
"And now a word from our friends at Extreme Tourism."

Cuts to an ad. The ad presenter is a typical infomercial presenter. The ad begins with standard holiday pictures resorts sandy beaches, theme parks etc then changes to war zones, the sight of a car bomb attack dead bodies and blood everywhere other scenes of devastation all of them with a happy couple in the foreground posing for a picture.

Presenter
"Are you bored with the same old holiday destinations? Had enough of tour groups and theme parks? Scenic tours and wine tasting ? Want to feel alive again? Live on the edge? If you have answered yes to any of those questions we can help you plan the holiday of a lifetime. Here at Extreme Tourism we listen to you and to what you want, three weeks on the front line of a guerilla war, no problem. Want to run chemical weapons across borders then we are the people for you. But hey, don't just take my word for it here're some of our happy Extreme Tourists who made it home."

Cuts to a man in his lounge room TV on showing his holiday video. Jungle warfare.

Client one
"Why I never thought I'd be on the front line of a guerilla war but I just came back from three weeks of fighting mayhem and murder and I just loved every minute of it, we're already planning our next holiday with Extreme Tourism. It's a cheap holiday in others peoples misery and we just loved it."

Cuts to a woman in her lounge room TV on showing her holiday video.

Client two
"I've never felt so alive crossing the border with all them weapons outsmarting the police and border guards, I've told all my friends and family about it! Next time we're even bringing the kids!"

Cuts back to the presenter walking through a call centre.

Presenter
So there you have it folks, contact one of our friendly consultants and start planning your next holiday with us. Extreme Tourism....Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven."

Cuts back to the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.

"Johnny Paradis'
I can't speak highly enough of the good people at Extreme Tourism without them and their contacts we wouldn't have a show folks and really, that's just not worth contemplating is it? It's a new day and this weeks challenge is about to get underway."