Episode 8

Carl
"Well, I'm glad we've got our boat sorted out $20,000 for both of us from here to Australia and we are leaving tomorrow thats gives us six days to get there, when this is all over we should go into the people smuggling business plenty of money in it?"

Sami
"When this is all over and we've got the cash I'm never going near another stinking third world country in my life, I've had enough of the stench of these places the foods, the customs of these people, no for me it's a life of luxury you can do what ever the fuck you want but I'm never coming back to anywhere like this ever again."

Carl
"Yeah I suppose Carl and Sami the winners of Globetrotters has a nice kind of ring to it doesn't it?"

Sami
"Sure does, I'm going to go on every talk show in the world tell them all about me and this and what a fucking great team we are!"

Carl
"What can we do to fuck up the others? I'd love to see that prick Derrick and Katherine sink to the bottom of the ocean, I tried getting some information from the smuggler about who they might use and if we could do anything to screw them over, but I don't think he understood me too well."

Sami
"And thats another thing what is it with these languages why can't they all speak English. What is it with all this gibberish? Shit don't they know they'll never be reality stars if they don't speak English."

Carl
"Thats the truth and no mistake they are that fucked up maybe they don't want it you know shit they might not even want to be us and thats just fucking weird, maybe they like living like this, they must do else they would do something about it like move to the civilised world."

Sami
"Well, I can't work them thats out for sure, Hey, maybe I should come on to Derrick lure him someplace and you take him out."

Carl
"Sounds like a good idea but we haven't got the time to do that, we are getting picked up in 4 hours and then they are taking us to the boat, We should try and get some rest it's going to be a hectic few days in that boat."

Sami
"Yeah I suppose you are right just wish there was something we could do to fuck up the other teams."

Carl
"They'll fuck things up on their own you just wait and see I have a good feeling about this challenge, I really do."

Cuts back to the studio.

Johnny Paradis'
"I wonder what is going through their minds right now and does Sami have a secret crush on Derrick, how are those two going to get that a little edge on all the others, they have a
departure time now will they be the first ones to launch their boat of human cargo and cross the sea to the promised land? Guess we'll just have to wait and see, and now we are going to see what Katherine and Derrick are doing."

Cuts back to another dark room Katherine and Derrick talking.

Derrick
"I know it was a lot of money but do you know how to drive a boat? No! So thats why we had to use him to get us there you'll see it will be money well spent."

Katherine
"Do you drive a boat? All I'm saying is $30,000 for both of us seems a lot thats all, I mean these people live on a few dollars a day, how can they charge us that much for a few days on a boat?"

VoiceoverJohnny Paradis'
"30 grand they must be on a luxury people smuggler for that kind of money folks! Its first class all the way with Derrick and K ha,ha,ha,ha. Thats $7,000 more than anyone else paid, maybe they are going to become pirates make a few people walk the plank."

Derrick
"I know its a lot but you don't know west from your asshole and I've never sailed or driven a boat in my life, so if you had a better idea you should have said something."

Katherine
"I was just saying it's a lot of money thats all. Nothing more. So he'll be back here tomorrow night to pick us up and take us to the boat?"

Derrick
"Well, if he wants his money he will be we're are leaving on an evening tide round sunset he said."

Cuts back to the studio.

Johnny Paradis'
"And now a word from our friends at Extreme Tourism."

Cuts to an ad. The ad presenter is a typical infomercial presenter. The ad begins with standard holiday pictures resorts sandy beaches, theme parks etc then changes to war zones, the sight of a car bomb attack dead bodies and blood everywhere other scenes of devastation all of them with a happy couple in the foreground posing for a picture.

Presenter
"Are you bored with the same old holiday destinations? Had enough of tour groups and theme parks? Scenic tours and wine tasting ? Want to feel alive again? Live on the edge? If you have answered yes to any of those questions we can help you plan the holiday of a lifetime. Here at Extreme Tourism we listen to you and to what you want, three weeks on the front line of a guerilla war, no problem. Want to run chemical weapons across borders then we are the people for you. But hey, don't just take my word for it here're some of our happy Extreme Tourists who made it home."

Cuts to a man in his lounge room TV on showing his holiday video. Jungle warfare.

Client one
"Why I never thought I'd be on the front line of a guerilla war but I just came back from three weeks of fighting mayhem and murder and I just loved every minute of it, we're already planning our next holiday with Extreme Tourism. It's a cheap holiday in others peoples misery and we just loved it."

Cuts to a woman in her lounge room TV on showing her holiday video.

Client two
"I've never felt so alive crossing the border with all them weapons outsmarting the police and border guards, I've told all my friends and family about it! Next time we're even bringing the kids!"

Cuts back to the presenter walking through a call centre.

Presenter
So there you have it folks, contact one of our friendly consultants and start planning your next holiday with us. Extreme Tourism....Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven."

Cuts back to the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.

"Johnny Paradis'
I can't speak highly enough of the good people at Extreme Tourism without them and their contacts we wouldn't have a show folks and really, that's just not worth contemplating is it? It's a new day and this weeks challenge is about to get underway."