Cuts to a large ocean map and highlights the positions of the four boats with the contestants names.
Johnny Paradis'
"Lets fast forward three days and there's not much to separate any of the teams Carl and Sami still hold a slight lead but Kurt and Lucy are catching them up, and there is nothing in it between Jack and Brian and Derrick and Katherine they need to get a move on or it could be the end of the road for one of them, is your team lagging behind why not send them a message of support. You know they'll appreciate it."
Cuts back to Johnny.
Johnny Paradis'
"Seems like it's getting a bit boring a bit quiet just a leisurely sail across the Indian ocean. Give our guys a chance to relax take it easy well, all thats about to change. Lets cross back to Brian and Jack."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to footage of a crowded boat then Brian and Jack. Both of them have their ipads. The people on the boat have been there three days now a tarp is stretched out to give some shade. The pictures really conveys the conditions on the boat after a few days. They all look very tired stressed, haunted, scared. Shots from the contestants point of view. For a good few minutes the camera just looks round the boat.
Johnny Paradis'
"Brian and Jack, there have been a few developments since we last spoke."
Jack
"Thats right Johnny about four hours ago we had a plane fly low over us passed us then came back round a couple of times."
Cuts to vision of an airforce plane flying over the boat then back to the contestants. Pictures from the boat and from the plane. Newsreel footage used of a real boat. Jack and Brian are holding ipads.
Brian
"We know they saw us I suppose a lot of it will depend on if they have boats in the area. We're sure it's the Australians we're just going to have to try to outrun and outsmart them."
Johnny Paradis'
"Do you have a plan of action or are you just going to sail by the seat of your pants?"
Brian
"Our first thought was to change course try and throw them off that way. Zig zag around and lose them."
Jack
"Then we thought that's just what they will think we would do and we can't afford the time. So we're going as fast as we can."
Johnny Paradis'
"You think that's going to work?"
Brian
"Thats all we can do at this point its make or break for us."
Johnny Paradis'
"It sure seems like it best of luck guys."
Brian
"Thanks Johnny."
Jack
"We're still in this it's not over yet, and there is no way I'm going to let them two beat me."
Cuts back to studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"Those guys are still giving it their all I wonder if that will be enough? Or are they up a certain creek without the proverbial paddle ha,ha,ha,ha? Only time will tell....And once time has told us I guarantee you will be the first to know, actually I know something you don't they are in a whole lot worse trouble than they thought ha,ha,ha,ha lets to cross over to Natarsha Metsacker on board HMAS Bundaberg Rum."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to the deck of the ship of the ship. Lots of activity sailors moving around doing sailor stuff preparing smaller boats to launch. Goes to the bridge of the ship.
Natarsha Metsacker
"Thanks Johnny. I'm on board HMAS Bundaberg Rum with Captain Napoleon Howard, Captain Howard the ship has become a hive of activity can you give us an update."
Captain Howard
"Certainly Natarsha Metsacker earlier on we received a report from a reconnaissance plane of a suspect boat to our west. The plane confirmed that it was an overcrowded boat carrying people trying to gain entry to Australia. Or as we call them SIEVs. We are on a course to intercept them in the next hour or so. No-one gets past us."
Natarsha Metsacker
"We know that one of our teams Brian and Jack are on board that boat."
Captain Howard
"I'm sorry to hear that Natarsha but their trot around the globe has ended and we're going to catch the rest of them too no doubt about that, as I said no-one gets past the crew of the
Bundaberg. Since they were spotted by our plane we've been tracking them they don't have a chance."
Natarsha Metsacker
"You heard Captain Howard, Johnny, looks like it's going to be coastguards one Globetrotters nil."
Cuts back to studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"I wouldn't count them out just yet, though that captain does seem mighty confident. Lets have a look at our satellite map and see how everyone is doing."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to a satellite map showing the positions of the four contestants boats and the naval ship.
Johnny Paradis'
"Sami and Carl still have a slight lead over Kurt and Lucy but they are closing the gap....Their experience may well be giving them an advantage as they look to sail into the final three. Derrick and Katherine are still lagging behind but are beginning to make up some ground on the others why do we say ground when they are at sea? Now there's something to ponder on, anyhow the real story of the moment is this, just have a look how close the Coast Guard are to Jack and Brian they really are in trouble. Sorry guys but that does'nt look good, they really are gaining on you."
Cuts back to the boat with Jack and Brian. Shot from the people on board the boat. Looking back towards the contestants gives the feeling of how cramped it is and uncomfortable. Lots of bobbing up and down as the boat moves through the waves.
Johnny Paradis'
Isn't that a great shot folks? That's our hidden cameraman Phil who's on board the ship. Can you spot him? I can't, but I can make him known to us he can hear me. Phil scratch your
head so we can see where you are."
Cuts to a shot of the boat from the contestants point of view one of the men scratching his head.
Johnny Paradis'
"Phil can't see us but we can hear him, Phil what is like on the boat after nearly four days.
Shot from where Phil is on the boat we have his view of his surroundings."
Phil
"This is absolute hell Johnny, it's hot crowded no room to move people have been ill since we left and this boat, I haven't felt safe the whole time. It creaks makes funny noises just doesn't feel right. I don't know what these peoples stories are but they must be really desperate no- one in their right mind would do this, its insanity. This is an absolute nightmare and I know it's a cliche but this is a floating hell. I'll be glad when we get through this one....I think I'll need a holiday after this."
Johnny Paradis'
"I think we all will Phil, I think we all will. This is just getting all too exciting."
First sight of the naval ship approaching. Causes panic on the boat.
Johnny Paradis'
"Do you see what I see ahoy there. Is that the navy? I think it is, prepare to repel boarders."
Phil
"I think it is too. And to be honest I'm glad to see them I want off this boat."
Cuts back to Jack and Brian.
Jack
"Can you see that it's a ship?"
Brian
"I can see it and they can see us, it's over Jack. Done and dusted buddy."
Jack
"We can still outrun them I know we can."
Brian
"This thing is not going to outrun that, we may as well make it easy, we're done."
Jack
"She beat me that bitch beat me I don't believe it, she beat me."
Brian
"They beat us, they played us and they beat us. We're through. I just hope they run them down too."
Cuts to naval vessel smaller boats being lowered heavily armed man aboard. Shows them moving towards the boat at high speed. Natarsha Metsacker is on one of the boats.
Natarsha Metsacker
"I'm on board one of the high speed boats that have run down our contestants, and we are about to come alongside their boat. Unless Jack and Brian can really pull something out of their hat their trot around the globe is over, I can see them they we are going to be escorted over to them so we can get their reactions first hand."
Cuts to the sailors boarding the boat again really shows the conditions on the boat the overcrowding etc and the condition of the boat. People on the boat are panicking some jump or fall into the water. The sailors slowly get all the people from the boat and transfer them back to the ship. Newsreel footage and aerial shots of the boat. Filmed from the contestants point of view as well.
Sailor 1
"Hey look it is them at the back of the boat? We got the guys from Globetrotters. Look at them over there."
Sailor 2
"G'day fellas, wow you going?...We got them just like we said we would."
Sailor 3
"Sorry fellas just doing our job you know, it's nothing personal."
Jack
"Nothing we can do to come sort of an arrangement is there?"
Sailor 2
"No sorry mate we can't help you there your trot round the globe is over. Hey I got to say it!"
Brian
"Are you sure there is nothing we can do? We've got cash."
Sailor 1
"No mate we can't, you've got to come with us back to the Bundy. Hey reckon we'll be on TV?"
Sailor 2
"Mate bound to be, this is as good as it gets. Fuck I love this job."
Jack and brian board the same boat as Natarsha Metsacker she interviews them as they go back to the naval ship.
Natarsha Metsacker
"Jack, Brian congratulations on a really well run race you made it to the final four and you're both still alive which is no small feat as you well know. How are you feeling right now?"
Brian
"Very, very disappointed we could've won this if we'd had just a little bit of luck. I mean these guys won't even takea bribe. I'm just finding it very hard to come to terms with this."
Jack
"It's hard to have come so far, you know been through so much to not get through now is very hard. I feel like I've let so many people down."
Natarsha Metsacker
"Well you can take heart that you gave it your best and on the plus side the penalties for this offence are not that bad. Why it's only a maximum 10 years guys."
Jack
"We were on Globetrotters this is for television, youtube, the real rules don't apply, I mean we're doing this so the folks back home are entertained, I'm sure the media will come to our aid. After all this is show biz. It's not like we are full time people smugglers or anything."
Natarsha Metsacker
"I'm sure you are right Jack and all that will be taken into consideration."
Brian
"We'll be fine, I'm not worried at all no matter what happens to us it can only be good. And that can never be a bad thing, like they say all publicity is good publicity. Now thats an Adventure!"
Natarsha Metsacker
"Indeed it has been."
The smaller boat arrives at the ship. Hoisted up sailors crowd around to see the contestants as the boat people are herded away processed on board etc.
Crew
"Aussie,Aussie,Aussie OI OI OI Aussie OI Aussie OI Aussie, AussieAussie….O,OI,OI."
Natarsha Metsacker
"Just look at the reception these guys are getting!'
Captain Howard greets Jack and Brian personally as they get on board.
Captain Howard
"Gentlemen may I say on behalf of myself and the crew it's a privilege and an honour to have been the ones to have brought your trot around the globe to an end."
Jack
"Yeah, thanks you couldn't have gone after one of the other boats."
Brian
"How much did Kurt give you to come after us I wouldn't put anything past that bastard."
Captain Howard
"You never stood a chance once our plane spotted you, please believe me when I say its nothing personal it's a job."
Natarsha Metsacker
"That gives us our final three Jack and Brian are out of the race but as you can see they are a very popular team, I'm sure they'll be able to take full advantage of that fact once they
get home. Back to you Johnny."
Cuts back to studio, applause and cheers from the audience.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Episode 10
Johnny Paradis'
"They are all off now and didn't Jack let us all know what he thinks about Lucy, she was no shrinking violet though was she ha,ha,ha,ha but thats what we love about Lucy. How long do you think those new alliances are going to last? I suppose only time will tell, or is it just playing into the other couples hands? We'll have answers to this and more right after a quick word from those good people at OmniCam."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to commercial showing CCTV footage of bank robberies, street violence etc voiceover. Changes to happy snaps and little videos done on phones.
Voice
"Most people just know us as suppliers of high end surveillance cameras, helping keep our streets safe, assisting law and order, keeping an eye on us all. That's all true but we at OmniCam are so much more than that, here at OmniCam we make the cameras for your phones for your camcorders, your happy snaps are seen through our lenses and now for the first time we are releasing personal surveillance cameras to you the public, the same as used on Globetrotters, by the military and law enforcement. Yes thats right you can film your life the lives of others or keep an eye on the ones you love anywhere anytime."
Cuts to a man sitting on a stool next to a large TV.
Man
"Its thanks to OmniCam's that we caught my wife's killer just look at this."
Cuts to vision of a man attacking a woman, the faces blurred and then shooting her, a mugging gone wrong. Filmed from the woman's point of view
Man
"Just give me the bag! Give me the fucking bag!"
Woman
"HELP....HELP....GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Sound of gunshots.
Man
"Thanks OmniCam because of you we got the bastard who shot my wife and we got to see him die by lethal injection. I can't recommend OmniCam highly enough."
Cuts to a woman sitting on a stool next to a large TV.
Woman
"Its thanks to OmniCam that I got to screw my husband for everything he had, and even better what he's ever likely to have, just look at this."
Cuts to video of a man and woman faces blurred having sex vision is from clothes thrown on a chair facing the bed.
Woman
"Once my lawyers had this there was no way he was going to get anything my divorce went like a dream thanks to OmniCam. And I got the lot!"
Cuts to infomercial guy.
Infomercial guy
"Look what we have done for these happy customers just imagine what we could do for you never worry about where or what your loved ones are up to. These cameras are totally undetectable and for the one you really love what about the OmniCam watch. Tell the time and see the look on their face. OmniCam....Whatever you see we see."
Cuts back to studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"I know all my family are protected with OmniCam are yours?"
Cuts to a screen divided in four Johnny in one corner a teenage girl in another talking on the phone a young boy in front of a computer and a woman cooking.
Johnny Paradis'
"Just look there's my family all safe at home I just love being able to check up on them whenever I want, and the best thing is they need never know I can have my eye on them all day every day, I just love OmniCam and now lets go back to our contestants. Its night time and they are now out to sea. Lets see how they are faring....Ha,ha,ha,ha....Faring....On the sea.... Seafaring....I'm wasted on you guys ha,ha,ha,ha."
Screen shows an Ocean map then satellite images zooming in on the boat at night until we are on the boat night vision camera shows the faces of the people on board the noises and movement of the boat choppy seas, on board conditions looks appalling. Shot from the contestants point of view then goes split screen to show Johnny and the contestants same as on Skype.Carl and Sami are at the back of the boat ipads in their hands.
Johnny Paradis'
"Lets check in on Carl and Sami our first contestants to set sail to the promised land. Evening guys how's it going out there on the big blue sea? Are you bobbing along nicely?"
Carl
"Hi Johnny, it's going quite slowly here we had quite a strong head wind most of the day and that slowed us down a bit but we seem to be making good progress now. Hey Johnny have the others left yet? Are any of them ahead of us?"
Johnny Paradis'
"Carl, Carl, Carl you know I can't tell you where any of the others are. Nice try though buddy. And what about you Sami how's the journey so far?"
Sami
"Hi Johnny, Been a very long day lucky for us we haven't been too sea sick....Which is more than I can say for a lot of these people on the boat....God only know what they've been cooking back there, but the smell oh my God! Words can't describe it and I still can't quite figure out why, if you get sea sick, why you'd travel by sea? Get on a fucking plane for Gods sake."
Sami suddenly turns round and throws up.
"Oh God....I hate this fucking boat! I Fucking hate it! I don't know how much more of this I can take."
Sami throws up again.
Johnny Paradis'
"A life on the ocean waves hey Sami doesn't seem to be going down to well with you in fact its all coming up ha,ha,ha,ha we'll catch up with you guys a little later on, why don't we see what's happening with our other competitors."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Screen shows an Ocean map then satellite images zooming in on the boat at night until we are on the boat night vision camera shows the faces of the people on board the noises and movement of the boat choppy seas on board looks appalling. Shot from the contestants point of view then goes split screen to show Johnny and the contestants same as on Skype. Kurt and Lucy are at the back of the boat ipads in their hands.
Johnny Paradis'
"Hello there. Kurt and Lucy, how are things going? Is this very new and very controversial alliance you've formed working in your favour? Or have you just antagonised the others and made yourselves new enemies?"
Kurt
"What new enemies Johnny? We've all been enemies since day one. No friends here except your team mate and even then, well things change, but look things are going great for us we've
made good progress. Best thing either of us could have done is to ditch those two losers. Lucy has just been great."
Lucy
"It was the right thing to do Johnny Brian and Jack would have held us back....It just had to be done this is all about winning that was true on day one when we started out with Brian and Jack and its true now. Thats why we did what we did. This is way too important to let sentiment get in the way Johnny, this is about fame this is about winning and money money. And really what else matters."
Johnny Paradis'
"I hear that Lucy we'll be back with you guys real soon to see how you are going."
Kurt & Lucy
"Bye Johnny....Hey Johnny NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Cuts back to the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"It sure is Kurt and Lucy it sure is, now for some reason we are having real trouble in getting a signal from Brian and Jacks boat so we can't hear from them directly but we do have our satellite images."
Cuts to satellite image of a small boat at sea continues zooming in until the people look about 10 feet away. Can see one of the contestants leaning over the side.
Johnny Paradis'
"I can make out....Brian....I'm pretty sure it's him it looks like him well it's definitely one of our guys you can tell by the jacket he doesn't seem to be doing so good though does he
folks? As soon as we can we will cross to Brian and Jack and see how they are doing. And last but my no means least we are going to cross to Derrick and Katherine."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Screen shows an Ocean map then satellite images zooming in on the boat at night until we are on the boat night vision camera shows the faces of the people on board the noises and movement of the boat choppy seas, on board conditions looks appalling. Shot from the contestants point of view then goes split screen to show Johnny and the contestants same as on Skype. Derrick and Katherine are at the back of the boat ipads in their hands.
Johnny Paradis'
"Hi there, Derrick and Katherine how are you both feeling?"
Derrick
"We've both been quite sick. We've managed to keep the boat on course, well I hope he's been able to , thats why we paid so much. But I don't think we are getting very far....It's just so hard to work out distance out here."
Katherine
"Johnny this has really been hard. By far the hardest challenge yet and we've only just started. I've been sick, I'm just exhausted, I don't think we'll get much sleep over the next few days."
Johnny Paradis'
"You just hang in there you are so close to making the final three you can't give up now."
Katherine
"No way are we even thinking of giving up now Johnny no matter how hard it gets we're going to see this through."
Derrick
"We're going through Johnny, this is tough no doubt about it but we'll be there at the end. We're going to walk away with all the money. No one or nothing is going to stand in our way."
Cuts back to studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"That folks is the spirit we look for in all our contestants. No matter how hard it gets they just keep on going, I'm proud of you guys the whole world is proud of you.Well it really looks like some of our contestants are beginning to hit the wall. This challenge is really taking it out of them and I just love to see that. This is where this show separates the men from the boys and the girls from the women."
Tune in next week same Globetrotter time same Globetrotter channel.
"They are all off now and didn't Jack let us all know what he thinks about Lucy, she was no shrinking violet though was she ha,ha,ha,ha but thats what we love about Lucy. How long do you think those new alliances are going to last? I suppose only time will tell, or is it just playing into the other couples hands? We'll have answers to this and more right after a quick word from those good people at OmniCam."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to commercial showing CCTV footage of bank robberies, street violence etc voiceover. Changes to happy snaps and little videos done on phones.
Voice
"Most people just know us as suppliers of high end surveillance cameras, helping keep our streets safe, assisting law and order, keeping an eye on us all. That's all true but we at OmniCam are so much more than that, here at OmniCam we make the cameras for your phones for your camcorders, your happy snaps are seen through our lenses and now for the first time we are releasing personal surveillance cameras to you the public, the same as used on Globetrotters, by the military and law enforcement. Yes thats right you can film your life the lives of others or keep an eye on the ones you love anywhere anytime."
Cuts to a man sitting on a stool next to a large TV.
Man
"Its thanks to OmniCam's that we caught my wife's killer just look at this."
Cuts to vision of a man attacking a woman, the faces blurred and then shooting her, a mugging gone wrong. Filmed from the woman's point of view
Man
"Just give me the bag! Give me the fucking bag!"
Woman
"HELP....HELP....GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Sound of gunshots.
Man
"Thanks OmniCam because of you we got the bastard who shot my wife and we got to see him die by lethal injection. I can't recommend OmniCam highly enough."
Cuts to a woman sitting on a stool next to a large TV.
Woman
"Its thanks to OmniCam that I got to screw my husband for everything he had, and even better what he's ever likely to have, just look at this."
Cuts to video of a man and woman faces blurred having sex vision is from clothes thrown on a chair facing the bed.
Woman
"Once my lawyers had this there was no way he was going to get anything my divorce went like a dream thanks to OmniCam. And I got the lot!"
Cuts to infomercial guy.
Infomercial guy
"Look what we have done for these happy customers just imagine what we could do for you never worry about where or what your loved ones are up to. These cameras are totally undetectable and for the one you really love what about the OmniCam watch. Tell the time and see the look on their face. OmniCam....Whatever you see we see."
Cuts back to studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"I know all my family are protected with OmniCam are yours?"
Cuts to a screen divided in four Johnny in one corner a teenage girl in another talking on the phone a young boy in front of a computer and a woman cooking.
Johnny Paradis'
"Just look there's my family all safe at home I just love being able to check up on them whenever I want, and the best thing is they need never know I can have my eye on them all day every day, I just love OmniCam and now lets go back to our contestants. Its night time and they are now out to sea. Lets see how they are faring....Ha,ha,ha,ha....Faring....On the sea.... Seafaring....I'm wasted on you guys ha,ha,ha,ha."
Screen shows an Ocean map then satellite images zooming in on the boat at night until we are on the boat night vision camera shows the faces of the people on board the noises and movement of the boat choppy seas, on board conditions looks appalling. Shot from the contestants point of view then goes split screen to show Johnny and the contestants same as on Skype.Carl and Sami are at the back of the boat ipads in their hands.
Johnny Paradis'
"Lets check in on Carl and Sami our first contestants to set sail to the promised land. Evening guys how's it going out there on the big blue sea? Are you bobbing along nicely?"
Carl
"Hi Johnny, it's going quite slowly here we had quite a strong head wind most of the day and that slowed us down a bit but we seem to be making good progress now. Hey Johnny have the others left yet? Are any of them ahead of us?"
Johnny Paradis'
"Carl, Carl, Carl you know I can't tell you where any of the others are. Nice try though buddy. And what about you Sami how's the journey so far?"
Sami
"Hi Johnny, Been a very long day lucky for us we haven't been too sea sick....Which is more than I can say for a lot of these people on the boat....God only know what they've been cooking back there, but the smell oh my God! Words can't describe it and I still can't quite figure out why, if you get sea sick, why you'd travel by sea? Get on a fucking plane for Gods sake."
Sami suddenly turns round and throws up.
"Oh God....I hate this fucking boat! I Fucking hate it! I don't know how much more of this I can take."
Sami throws up again.
Johnny Paradis'
"A life on the ocean waves hey Sami doesn't seem to be going down to well with you in fact its all coming up ha,ha,ha,ha we'll catch up with you guys a little later on, why don't we see what's happening with our other competitors."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Screen shows an Ocean map then satellite images zooming in on the boat at night until we are on the boat night vision camera shows the faces of the people on board the noises and movement of the boat choppy seas on board looks appalling. Shot from the contestants point of view then goes split screen to show Johnny and the contestants same as on Skype. Kurt and Lucy are at the back of the boat ipads in their hands.
Johnny Paradis'
"Hello there. Kurt and Lucy, how are things going? Is this very new and very controversial alliance you've formed working in your favour? Or have you just antagonised the others and made yourselves new enemies?"
Kurt
"What new enemies Johnny? We've all been enemies since day one. No friends here except your team mate and even then, well things change, but look things are going great for us we've
made good progress. Best thing either of us could have done is to ditch those two losers. Lucy has just been great."
Lucy
"It was the right thing to do Johnny Brian and Jack would have held us back....It just had to be done this is all about winning that was true on day one when we started out with Brian and Jack and its true now. Thats why we did what we did. This is way too important to let sentiment get in the way Johnny, this is about fame this is about winning and money money. And really what else matters."
Johnny Paradis'
"I hear that Lucy we'll be back with you guys real soon to see how you are going."
Kurt & Lucy
"Bye Johnny....Hey Johnny NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Cuts back to the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"It sure is Kurt and Lucy it sure is, now for some reason we are having real trouble in getting a signal from Brian and Jacks boat so we can't hear from them directly but we do have our satellite images."
Cuts to satellite image of a small boat at sea continues zooming in until the people look about 10 feet away. Can see one of the contestants leaning over the side.
Johnny Paradis'
"I can make out....Brian....I'm pretty sure it's him it looks like him well it's definitely one of our guys you can tell by the jacket he doesn't seem to be doing so good though does he
folks? As soon as we can we will cross to Brian and Jack and see how they are doing. And last but my no means least we are going to cross to Derrick and Katherine."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Screen shows an Ocean map then satellite images zooming in on the boat at night until we are on the boat night vision camera shows the faces of the people on board the noises and movement of the boat choppy seas, on board conditions looks appalling. Shot from the contestants point of view then goes split screen to show Johnny and the contestants same as on Skype. Derrick and Katherine are at the back of the boat ipads in their hands.
Johnny Paradis'
"Hi there, Derrick and Katherine how are you both feeling?"
Derrick
"We've both been quite sick. We've managed to keep the boat on course, well I hope he's been able to , thats why we paid so much. But I don't think we are getting very far....It's just so hard to work out distance out here."
Katherine
"Johnny this has really been hard. By far the hardest challenge yet and we've only just started. I've been sick, I'm just exhausted, I don't think we'll get much sleep over the next few days."
Johnny Paradis'
"You just hang in there you are so close to making the final three you can't give up now."
Katherine
"No way are we even thinking of giving up now Johnny no matter how hard it gets we're going to see this through."
Derrick
"We're going through Johnny, this is tough no doubt about it but we'll be there at the end. We're going to walk away with all the money. No one or nothing is going to stand in our way."
Cuts back to studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"That folks is the spirit we look for in all our contestants. No matter how hard it gets they just keep on going, I'm proud of you guys the whole world is proud of you.Well it really looks like some of our contestants are beginning to hit the wall. This challenge is really taking it out of them and I just love to see that. This is where this show separates the men from the boys and the girls from the women."
Tune in next week same Globetrotter time same Globetrotter channel.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Episode 9
Cuts to sunrise over an Indonesian beach. A beautiful sunrise, picturesque surroundings. Against the back drop of a very poor village or town. Stray dogs and animals run down housing.
Johnny Paradis'
"Our first couple are about to head off lets see whats happening with Carl and Sami."
Carl
"Where is he, he said sunrise he's late. If that fucker has ripped us of! I swear I'll kill him."
Sami
"Just calm down will you, he'll be here. I don't know why but I think we can of trust him."
Carl
"You trust him?"
Sami
"Look is that him, over there, see I told you we could trust him."
Carl
"Yeah, well I'll trust him once we get to the other side not before."
An Indonesian man walks towards them.
Man
"Hellos.... Please me follow....I you boat....I there....Short journey boat....You come....Me now please."
They all get into a beat up old car. Which tears off along the road.
Carl
"Christ if you don't slow down we'll all be killed before we get anywhere near the boat."
Man
"All well....All well....Not far....Is near....Is near."
Sami
"This place would be so beautiful if they just got rid of all these slum houses and these people, if they just took a bit of pride in the place....I mean just look at all that rubbish, open sewers and those animals just walking around and shitting everywhere. It's disgusting it really is."
Carl
"Tell me about it, but its the smell oh my god, thats what really gets me."
Cuts to a beach a small fishing boat is tied there. A queue of people are getting onto the boat. The boat is already crowded. Three men usher the people on shouting at and pushing the people trying to get them to hurry up. Can hear children crying and people shouting at each other. The boat is already lying low in the water.
Man
"The boat....Ready soon....Soon....Not plenty people on boat....Plenties space."
Carl
"Plenty of space hate to see what they call crowded."
Sami
"Yeah I see what you mean....Is that thing safe?"
Man
"Oh safe, safe....Good boat....Use many time....Many time."
Sami
"Thats what I'm worried about how many times you've used it."
They walk up to the boat and get in at the back of the boat from where they can steer. The people on the boat are sitting down crammed in together some sit on the roof of a small cabin and a group towards the front of the boat are forced to stand. Filmed from the contestants point of view.
Man
"Very good boat....Plenty room you and you....You like."
Carl
"Yeah its great can you tell me where the casino and bar are located and do you do waiter service?"
Man
"Huh....We help you....For $5,000 more he with you....Very good on sea....Many years....He take there....Sail good....No problem."
Sami
"What he will drive the boat? What do you think Carl?"
Carl
"Its been a while since I drove a boat I mean I reckon I can do it but.... $2,500 thats what we'll pay not a penny more."
Man
"No,no....$4,500 big family....He's to feed."
Sami
"Thats too much, way, way too much. Offer him $3,500 and thats it no more than that you hear?"
Carl
"I'll sort this out! $3,500 thats all we can afford to pay."
Man
"$3,750 we deal or no?"
Carl
"Deal."
They shake hands. One of the men jumps into the boat . Old guy no teeth smiles and nods.Money exchanges hands. He doesn't speak any English. Carl and Sami get into the boat and it pulls off and heads out to sea. Riding low in the water. All the other people stare at them looking confused. Cuts back to studio and Johnny. Filmed from the contestants point of view.
Johnny Paradis'
"And our first contestants have put out to sea, hoist the mainsail and raise the anchor ha,ha,ha,ha rather them than me in that old tub, we'll have to see how they go. Will their leaving early prove to be an advantage? Only time will tell. As we know Kurt and Lucy have formed an alliance and have ditched their current partners lets see how Brian and Jack are taking the news."
Cuts to Jacks room he's throwing things around and generally smashing up the little furniture there is in the room. Filmed from Jacks point of view.
Jack
"Fucking bitch....Fucking bitch....I'll kill her and I'll kill him....Fucking Kurt you're dead you hear me!...Fucking dead!...You fucking bitch....I'll tear your fucking heads off!"
Cuts back to studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"Ha,ha,ha,ha looks like he's not taking that all too well doesn't it, oh well them's the breaks on Globetrotters. It's an old saying on this game but it holds as true today as it ever did....Jack....Come here....Listen I want to tell you a secret TRUST NO-ONE! Ha,ha,ha,ha, but I guess he's learning that lesson right now ha,ha,ha,ha wonder how Brian's doing?"
Cuts to Brian's room he's sitting on a bed looking at the note from Kurt. Filmed from his point of view.
Brian
"Well I would never, not in a million fucking years, thought he'd do that to me after all we've been through together why I pulled that son of a bitch from a burning Humvee, three tours of duty we did and he does this to me. He was like my brother, low life bastard. Suppose at least he left me this note. Still in this race gotta find Jack and get on that boat. Show that son of a bitch he's fucked over the wrong man."
Cuts to Jack walking up the street and banging on the door to Jacks room. Brian opens the door and lets him.
Jack
"You in there Brian....Brian....You seen what those two fucks have done to us! I can't believe that bitch has run off with that fucking asshole un-fucking-believable thats what it is un-fucking-believable."
Brian
"Now just calm down, look I'm just as pissed off with them as you are....But I think we shouldn't get mad we should get even."
Brian
"I'm going to fuck that prick over if it's the last thing I do, I swear it."
Jack
"Well I got a boat all worked out paid $23,000 and they are going to sail the boat all the way, all we got to do is sit back and relax and enjoy a few days at sea and then when we get to Australia I'm going to kill them two for fucking me over like that, it's me and you now buddy fifty, fifty all the way down the line."
Brian
"We'll get our own back on them two I promise you that. We'll show them. I want to win this more then ever now. What time we got to meet your man for the boat?"
Cuts back to the studio and Johnny.
Johnny Paradis'
"I'm sure Lucy and Kurt don't want to bump into those two right now boy have they got those guys angry. But I suppose they know that. Why don't we cross to them now and see how things are working out for them, I wonder if its all lovey dovey with our newest couple. Still if I were either of them I'd be watching the other like a hawk. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer still....Hey guys ha,ha,ha,ha."
Cuts back to another small village lots of small fishing boats pulled up on the beach. Late afternoon the sun is setting . There are spaced out along the beach three crowds of people wading out to three boats. Men and women carrying children and a few possessions in bundles on to the three boats. Men around the boats usher them on crowding them in. At about the same time three cars arrive one carrying Jack and Brian the other Kurt and Lucy the other one Derrick and Katherine.Cuts back to studio.
Johnny Paradis'
"Just look who's arrived all at the same time at the same place, I wonder how that could have happened? Sometimes everything just falls into place as if by magic....Of the mass media ha,ha,ha,ha I've got a feeling things are going to get interesting around here!
Cuts back to the beach where the two teams of Brian and Jack and Kurt and Lucy have noticed each other.
Jack
"You fucking bitch whore....Cunt....I'm going to fuck you up....I'll feed you to the sharks....you fucking...."
Brian grabs Jack and pulls him toward the boat.
Brian
"I told you don't get mad get even. Get on the fucking boat! Lets get out of here and win this fucking game. Now!"
Lucy
"Fuck you, you fucking loser you're going to drown asshole you and that other useless prick.
Jack gives Lucy the finger and gets on the boat."
Brian
"Don't look at those fucks lets just go and win."
Cuts to Kurt and Lucy's boat. Kurt is already on board. Shot from Kurt and Lucys' point of view.
Kurt
"Get on the fucking boat will you, lets see just how good a sailor you are you can take her out, concentrate on the game. There's been enough bullshit."
Lucy
"Well fuck you too I'll show you how to sail a boat Motherfucker!"
Kurt
"Yeah you just fucking might, because with an attitude like that you had better be able to."
Lucy
"Yeah right, asshole you can apologise later."
Kurt
Apologise my ass but I'll tell you something you've missed while you were chatting with Jack."
Lucy
"Oh you are just so, so, so funny Kurt so go on genius tell me what'd I miss."
Kurt
"You know what you have missed. Carl and Sami they aren't here....He reckons a boat left early this morning headed for Australia them fuckers are on it and they are eight or nine hours ahead of us, thats all I'm thinking about."
Cuts to Derrick and Katherine's' boat. They are both on board sitting at the back of the boat. Lots of shots from their point of view.
Derrick
"Well fuck me look whats going on over there my, my something big must have happened."
Katherine
"What I can't believe that Lucy is with Kurt you have got to be kidding, oh baby this has to give us an edge why they are going to be at each others throats."
Derrick
"Thats just what I thought but we still got to beat them over there it's not like we are on land and they can get to each other, I just hope its us and them two and either of the other teams in the next round....If its like that we've booked our place in the final I reckon."
Katherine
"So do I , so do I."
They quickly kiss and embrace.
Derrick
"You notice anything else?"
Katherine
"Anything else? What that this boat stinks, and I don't feel safe on it isn't that enough?"
Derrick
"Carl and Sami where are they did you see them? We all left from the same beach but not them. You think they got away before us?"
Derrick tries to talk with the man driving the boat.
Derrick
"Hey you....Yeah you ,have you seen another boat....boat two people dressed like us....Hats....You don't know what the fuck I'm saying do you?"
Man looks at him blankly and smiles nodding his head.
Katherine
"What you think they've already gone ? No, they can't have....Shit you must be wrong they haven't left yet no way!"
The last people get on board the small fishing ships before they can find a space the boats start to move 50 or 60 people on each one crammed in as tight as they can get. The contestants sit at the controls of the boats and have more room than all the others. The boats ride low in the water slowly they move out to sea as it begins to get dark.Lots of shots from the contestants point of view. Cuts back to the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
"Our first couple are about to head off lets see whats happening with Carl and Sami."
Carl
"Where is he, he said sunrise he's late. If that fucker has ripped us of! I swear I'll kill him."
Sami
"Just calm down will you, he'll be here. I don't know why but I think we can of trust him."
Carl
"You trust him?"
Sami
"Look is that him, over there, see I told you we could trust him."
Carl
"Yeah, well I'll trust him once we get to the other side not before."
An Indonesian man walks towards them.
Man
"Hellos.... Please me follow....I you boat....I there....Short journey boat....You come....Me now please."
They all get into a beat up old car. Which tears off along the road.
Carl
"Christ if you don't slow down we'll all be killed before we get anywhere near the boat."
Man
"All well....All well....Not far....Is near....Is near."
Sami
"This place would be so beautiful if they just got rid of all these slum houses and these people, if they just took a bit of pride in the place....I mean just look at all that rubbish, open sewers and those animals just walking around and shitting everywhere. It's disgusting it really is."
Carl
"Tell me about it, but its the smell oh my god, thats what really gets me."
Cuts to a beach a small fishing boat is tied there. A queue of people are getting onto the boat. The boat is already crowded. Three men usher the people on shouting at and pushing the people trying to get them to hurry up. Can hear children crying and people shouting at each other. The boat is already lying low in the water.
Man
"The boat....Ready soon....Soon....Not plenty people on boat....Plenties space."
Carl
"Plenty of space hate to see what they call crowded."
Sami
"Yeah I see what you mean....Is that thing safe?"
Man
"Oh safe, safe....Good boat....Use many time....Many time."
Sami
"Thats what I'm worried about how many times you've used it."
They walk up to the boat and get in at the back of the boat from where they can steer. The people on the boat are sitting down crammed in together some sit on the roof of a small cabin and a group towards the front of the boat are forced to stand. Filmed from the contestants point of view.
Man
"Very good boat....Plenty room you and you....You like."
Carl
"Yeah its great can you tell me where the casino and bar are located and do you do waiter service?"
Man
"Huh....We help you....For $5,000 more he with you....Very good on sea....Many years....He take there....Sail good....No problem."
Sami
"What he will drive the boat? What do you think Carl?"
Carl
"Its been a while since I drove a boat I mean I reckon I can do it but.... $2,500 thats what we'll pay not a penny more."
Man
"No,no....$4,500 big family....He's to feed."
Sami
"Thats too much, way, way too much. Offer him $3,500 and thats it no more than that you hear?"
Carl
"I'll sort this out! $3,500 thats all we can afford to pay."
Man
"$3,750 we deal or no?"
Carl
"Deal."
They shake hands. One of the men jumps into the boat . Old guy no teeth smiles and nods.Money exchanges hands. He doesn't speak any English. Carl and Sami get into the boat and it pulls off and heads out to sea. Riding low in the water. All the other people stare at them looking confused. Cuts back to studio and Johnny. Filmed from the contestants point of view.
Johnny Paradis'
"And our first contestants have put out to sea, hoist the mainsail and raise the anchor ha,ha,ha,ha rather them than me in that old tub, we'll have to see how they go. Will their leaving early prove to be an advantage? Only time will tell. As we know Kurt and Lucy have formed an alliance and have ditched their current partners lets see how Brian and Jack are taking the news."
Cuts to Jacks room he's throwing things around and generally smashing up the little furniture there is in the room. Filmed from Jacks point of view.
Jack
"Fucking bitch....Fucking bitch....I'll kill her and I'll kill him....Fucking Kurt you're dead you hear me!...Fucking dead!...You fucking bitch....I'll tear your fucking heads off!"
Cuts back to studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"Ha,ha,ha,ha looks like he's not taking that all too well doesn't it, oh well them's the breaks on Globetrotters. It's an old saying on this game but it holds as true today as it ever did....Jack....Come here....Listen I want to tell you a secret TRUST NO-ONE! Ha,ha,ha,ha, but I guess he's learning that lesson right now ha,ha,ha,ha wonder how Brian's doing?"
Cuts to Brian's room he's sitting on a bed looking at the note from Kurt. Filmed from his point of view.
Brian
"Well I would never, not in a million fucking years, thought he'd do that to me after all we've been through together why I pulled that son of a bitch from a burning Humvee, three tours of duty we did and he does this to me. He was like my brother, low life bastard. Suppose at least he left me this note. Still in this race gotta find Jack and get on that boat. Show that son of a bitch he's fucked over the wrong man."
Cuts to Jack walking up the street and banging on the door to Jacks room. Brian opens the door and lets him.
Jack
"You in there Brian....Brian....You seen what those two fucks have done to us! I can't believe that bitch has run off with that fucking asshole un-fucking-believable thats what it is un-fucking-believable."
Brian
"Now just calm down, look I'm just as pissed off with them as you are....But I think we shouldn't get mad we should get even."
Brian
"I'm going to fuck that prick over if it's the last thing I do, I swear it."
Jack
"Well I got a boat all worked out paid $23,000 and they are going to sail the boat all the way, all we got to do is sit back and relax and enjoy a few days at sea and then when we get to Australia I'm going to kill them two for fucking me over like that, it's me and you now buddy fifty, fifty all the way down the line."
Brian
"We'll get our own back on them two I promise you that. We'll show them. I want to win this more then ever now. What time we got to meet your man for the boat?"
Cuts back to the studio and Johnny.
Johnny Paradis'
"I'm sure Lucy and Kurt don't want to bump into those two right now boy have they got those guys angry. But I suppose they know that. Why don't we cross to them now and see how things are working out for them, I wonder if its all lovey dovey with our newest couple. Still if I were either of them I'd be watching the other like a hawk. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer still....Hey guys ha,ha,ha,ha."
Cuts back to another small village lots of small fishing boats pulled up on the beach. Late afternoon the sun is setting . There are spaced out along the beach three crowds of people wading out to three boats. Men and women carrying children and a few possessions in bundles on to the three boats. Men around the boats usher them on crowding them in. At about the same time three cars arrive one carrying Jack and Brian the other Kurt and Lucy the other one Derrick and Katherine.Cuts back to studio.
Johnny Paradis'
"Just look who's arrived all at the same time at the same place, I wonder how that could have happened? Sometimes everything just falls into place as if by magic....Of the mass media ha,ha,ha,ha I've got a feeling things are going to get interesting around here!
Cuts back to the beach where the two teams of Brian and Jack and Kurt and Lucy have noticed each other.
Jack
"You fucking bitch whore....Cunt....I'm going to fuck you up....I'll feed you to the sharks....you fucking...."
Brian grabs Jack and pulls him toward the boat.
Brian
"I told you don't get mad get even. Get on the fucking boat! Lets get out of here and win this fucking game. Now!"
Lucy
"Fuck you, you fucking loser you're going to drown asshole you and that other useless prick.
Jack gives Lucy the finger and gets on the boat."
Brian
"Don't look at those fucks lets just go and win."
Cuts to Kurt and Lucy's boat. Kurt is already on board. Shot from Kurt and Lucys' point of view.
Kurt
"Get on the fucking boat will you, lets see just how good a sailor you are you can take her out, concentrate on the game. There's been enough bullshit."
Lucy
"Well fuck you too I'll show you how to sail a boat Motherfucker!"
Kurt
"Yeah you just fucking might, because with an attitude like that you had better be able to."
Lucy
"Yeah right, asshole you can apologise later."
Kurt
Apologise my ass but I'll tell you something you've missed while you were chatting with Jack."
Lucy
"Oh you are just so, so, so funny Kurt so go on genius tell me what'd I miss."
Kurt
"You know what you have missed. Carl and Sami they aren't here....He reckons a boat left early this morning headed for Australia them fuckers are on it and they are eight or nine hours ahead of us, thats all I'm thinking about."
Cuts to Derrick and Katherine's' boat. They are both on board sitting at the back of the boat. Lots of shots from their point of view.
Derrick
"Well fuck me look whats going on over there my, my something big must have happened."
Katherine
"What I can't believe that Lucy is with Kurt you have got to be kidding, oh baby this has to give us an edge why they are going to be at each others throats."
Derrick
"Thats just what I thought but we still got to beat them over there it's not like we are on land and they can get to each other, I just hope its us and them two and either of the other teams in the next round....If its like that we've booked our place in the final I reckon."
Katherine
"So do I , so do I."
They quickly kiss and embrace.
Derrick
"You notice anything else?"
Katherine
"Anything else? What that this boat stinks, and I don't feel safe on it isn't that enough?"
Derrick
"Carl and Sami where are they did you see them? We all left from the same beach but not them. You think they got away before us?"
Derrick tries to talk with the man driving the boat.
Derrick
"Hey you....Yeah you ,have you seen another boat....boat two people dressed like us....Hats....You don't know what the fuck I'm saying do you?"
Man looks at him blankly and smiles nodding his head.
Katherine
"What you think they've already gone ? No, they can't have....Shit you must be wrong they haven't left yet no way!"
The last people get on board the small fishing ships before they can find a space the boats start to move 50 or 60 people on each one crammed in as tight as they can get. The contestants sit at the controls of the boats and have more room than all the others. The boats ride low in the water slowly they move out to sea as it begins to get dark.Lots of shots from the contestants point of view. Cuts back to the studio.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Episode 8
Carl
"Well, I'm glad we've got our boat sorted out $20,000 for both of us from here to Australia and we are leaving tomorrow thats gives us six days to get there, when this is all over we should go into the people smuggling business plenty of money in it?"
Sami
"When this is all over and we've got the cash I'm never going near another stinking third world country in my life, I've had enough of the stench of these places the foods, the customs of these people, no for me it's a life of luxury you can do what ever the fuck you want but I'm never coming back to anywhere like this ever again."
Carl
"Yeah I suppose Carl and Sami the winners of Globetrotters has a nice kind of ring to it doesn't it?"
Sami
"Sure does, I'm going to go on every talk show in the world tell them all about me and this and what a fucking great team we are!"
Carl
"What can we do to fuck up the others? I'd love to see that prick Derrick and Katherine sink to the bottom of the ocean, I tried getting some information from the smuggler about who they might use and if we could do anything to screw them over, but I don't think he understood me too well."
Sami
"And thats another thing what is it with these languages why can't they all speak English. What is it with all this gibberish? Shit don't they know they'll never be reality stars if they don't speak English."
Carl
"Thats the truth and no mistake they are that fucked up maybe they don't want it you know shit they might not even want to be us and thats just fucking weird, maybe they like living like this, they must do else they would do something about it like move to the civilised world."
Sami
"Well, I can't work them thats out for sure, Hey, maybe I should come on to Derrick lure him someplace and you take him out."
Carl
"Sounds like a good idea but we haven't got the time to do that, we are getting picked up in 4 hours and then they are taking us to the boat, We should try and get some rest it's going to be a hectic few days in that boat."
Sami
"Yeah I suppose you are right just wish there was something we could do to fuck up the other teams."
Carl
"They'll fuck things up on their own you just wait and see I have a good feeling about this challenge, I really do."
Cuts back to the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
"I wonder what is going through their minds right now and does Sami have a secret crush on Derrick, how are those two going to get that a little edge on all the others, they have a
departure time now will they be the first ones to launch their boat of human cargo and cross the sea to the promised land? Guess we'll just have to wait and see, and now we are going to see what Katherine and Derrick are doing."
Cuts back to another dark room Katherine and Derrick talking.
Derrick
"I know it was a lot of money but do you know how to drive a boat? No! So thats why we had to use him to get us there you'll see it will be money well spent."
Katherine
"Do you drive a boat? All I'm saying is $30,000 for both of us seems a lot thats all, I mean these people live on a few dollars a day, how can they charge us that much for a few days on a boat?"
VoiceoverJohnny Paradis'
"30 grand they must be on a luxury people smuggler for that kind of money folks! Its first class all the way with Derrick and K ha,ha,ha,ha. Thats $7,000 more than anyone else paid, maybe they are going to become pirates make a few people walk the plank."
Derrick
"I know its a lot but you don't know west from your asshole and I've never sailed or driven a boat in my life, so if you had a better idea you should have said something."
Katherine
"I was just saying it's a lot of money thats all. Nothing more. So he'll be back here tomorrow night to pick us up and take us to the boat?"
Derrick
"Well, if he wants his money he will be we're are leaving on an evening tide round sunset he said."
Cuts back to the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
"And now a word from our friends at Extreme Tourism."
Cuts to an ad. The ad presenter is a typical infomercial presenter. The ad begins with standard holiday pictures resorts sandy beaches, theme parks etc then changes to war zones, the sight of a car bomb attack dead bodies and blood everywhere other scenes of devastation all of them with a happy couple in the foreground posing for a picture.
Presenter
"Are you bored with the same old holiday destinations? Had enough of tour groups and theme parks? Scenic tours and wine tasting ? Want to feel alive again? Live on the edge? If you have answered yes to any of those questions we can help you plan the holiday of a lifetime. Here at Extreme Tourism we listen to you and to what you want, three weeks on the front line of a guerilla war, no problem. Want to run chemical weapons across borders then we are the people for you. But hey, don't just take my word for it here're some of our happy Extreme Tourists who made it home."
Cuts to a man in his lounge room TV on showing his holiday video. Jungle warfare.
Client one
"Why I never thought I'd be on the front line of a guerilla war but I just came back from three weeks of fighting mayhem and murder and I just loved every minute of it, we're already planning our next holiday with Extreme Tourism. It's a cheap holiday in others peoples misery and we just loved it."
Cuts to a woman in her lounge room TV on showing her holiday video.
Client two
"I've never felt so alive crossing the border with all them weapons outsmarting the police and border guards, I've told all my friends and family about it! Next time we're even bringing the kids!"
Cuts back to the presenter walking through a call centre.
Presenter
So there you have it folks, contact one of our friendly consultants and start planning your next holiday with us. Extreme Tourism....Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven."
Cuts back to the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
"Johnny Paradis'
I can't speak highly enough of the good people at Extreme Tourism without them and their contacts we wouldn't have a show folks and really, that's just not worth contemplating is it? It's a new day and this weeks challenge is about to get underway."
"Well, I'm glad we've got our boat sorted out $20,000 for both of us from here to Australia and we are leaving tomorrow thats gives us six days to get there, when this is all over we should go into the people smuggling business plenty of money in it?"
Sami
"When this is all over and we've got the cash I'm never going near another stinking third world country in my life, I've had enough of the stench of these places the foods, the customs of these people, no for me it's a life of luxury you can do what ever the fuck you want but I'm never coming back to anywhere like this ever again."
Carl
"Yeah I suppose Carl and Sami the winners of Globetrotters has a nice kind of ring to it doesn't it?"
Sami
"Sure does, I'm going to go on every talk show in the world tell them all about me and this and what a fucking great team we are!"
Carl
"What can we do to fuck up the others? I'd love to see that prick Derrick and Katherine sink to the bottom of the ocean, I tried getting some information from the smuggler about who they might use and if we could do anything to screw them over, but I don't think he understood me too well."
Sami
"And thats another thing what is it with these languages why can't they all speak English. What is it with all this gibberish? Shit don't they know they'll never be reality stars if they don't speak English."
Carl
"Thats the truth and no mistake they are that fucked up maybe they don't want it you know shit they might not even want to be us and thats just fucking weird, maybe they like living like this, they must do else they would do something about it like move to the civilised world."
Sami
"Well, I can't work them thats out for sure, Hey, maybe I should come on to Derrick lure him someplace and you take him out."
Carl
"Sounds like a good idea but we haven't got the time to do that, we are getting picked up in 4 hours and then they are taking us to the boat, We should try and get some rest it's going to be a hectic few days in that boat."
Sami
"Yeah I suppose you are right just wish there was something we could do to fuck up the other teams."
Carl
"They'll fuck things up on their own you just wait and see I have a good feeling about this challenge, I really do."
Cuts back to the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
"I wonder what is going through their minds right now and does Sami have a secret crush on Derrick, how are those two going to get that a little edge on all the others, they have a
departure time now will they be the first ones to launch their boat of human cargo and cross the sea to the promised land? Guess we'll just have to wait and see, and now we are going to see what Katherine and Derrick are doing."
Cuts back to another dark room Katherine and Derrick talking.
Derrick
"I know it was a lot of money but do you know how to drive a boat? No! So thats why we had to use him to get us there you'll see it will be money well spent."
Katherine
"Do you drive a boat? All I'm saying is $30,000 for both of us seems a lot thats all, I mean these people live on a few dollars a day, how can they charge us that much for a few days on a boat?"
VoiceoverJohnny Paradis'
"30 grand they must be on a luxury people smuggler for that kind of money folks! Its first class all the way with Derrick and K ha,ha,ha,ha. Thats $7,000 more than anyone else paid, maybe they are going to become pirates make a few people walk the plank."
Derrick
"I know its a lot but you don't know west from your asshole and I've never sailed or driven a boat in my life, so if you had a better idea you should have said something."
Katherine
"I was just saying it's a lot of money thats all. Nothing more. So he'll be back here tomorrow night to pick us up and take us to the boat?"
Derrick
"Well, if he wants his money he will be we're are leaving on an evening tide round sunset he said."
Cuts back to the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
"And now a word from our friends at Extreme Tourism."
Cuts to an ad. The ad presenter is a typical infomercial presenter. The ad begins with standard holiday pictures resorts sandy beaches, theme parks etc then changes to war zones, the sight of a car bomb attack dead bodies and blood everywhere other scenes of devastation all of them with a happy couple in the foreground posing for a picture.
Presenter
"Are you bored with the same old holiday destinations? Had enough of tour groups and theme parks? Scenic tours and wine tasting ? Want to feel alive again? Live on the edge? If you have answered yes to any of those questions we can help you plan the holiday of a lifetime. Here at Extreme Tourism we listen to you and to what you want, three weeks on the front line of a guerilla war, no problem. Want to run chemical weapons across borders then we are the people for you. But hey, don't just take my word for it here're some of our happy Extreme Tourists who made it home."
Cuts to a man in his lounge room TV on showing his holiday video. Jungle warfare.
Client one
"Why I never thought I'd be on the front line of a guerilla war but I just came back from three weeks of fighting mayhem and murder and I just loved every minute of it, we're already planning our next holiday with Extreme Tourism. It's a cheap holiday in others peoples misery and we just loved it."
Cuts to a woman in her lounge room TV on showing her holiday video.
Client two
"I've never felt so alive crossing the border with all them weapons outsmarting the police and border guards, I've told all my friends and family about it! Next time we're even bringing the kids!"
Cuts back to the presenter walking through a call centre.
Presenter
So there you have it folks, contact one of our friendly consultants and start planning your next holiday with us. Extreme Tourism....Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven."
Cuts back to the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
"Johnny Paradis'
I can't speak highly enough of the good people at Extreme Tourism without them and their contacts we wouldn't have a show folks and really, that's just not worth contemplating is it? It's a new day and this weeks challenge is about to get underway."
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Episode 7
Jack
"No, we can't pay that you're just going to have to take less from us hey you are making money on us taking the boat over."
Man
"But it is our reputation we always land our passengers."
Lucy
"Reputation oh please I've heard it all now you smuggle people for money, I've probably got more morals than you and trust me thats saying something."
Man
"If that is how you feel about it I can say no more and I wish you well in your endeavours."
Jack
"No wait....You just keep quiet I'll handle this....We can work this out please sit down....Please."
Lucy
"Well, you just work it all out Jack you be the man for once! It would make such a pleasant surprise."
Lucy gets up and leaves
Jack
"Yeah and fuck you too....Bitch."
Jack goes back into conversation with the man. voiceover
Johnny Paradis'
"Looks like there is a bit of tension between Jack and Lucy wonder how that will pan out?"
Lucy walks down a dark street in a small Indonesian town sees Kurt smoking leaning against a wall. She walks up to him and begins a conversation.
Lucy
"Hey Kurt, not allowed to smoke inside?"
Kurt
"Hey, yeah Brian gets a bit worked up about smoking says he "can't breathe properly" if someones smokes indoors."
Lucy
"Yeah, well that asshole Jack gets worked up about everything,you said you grew up around boats me too, charter boats, ocean racing it's in my blood whereas Jack, he wouldn't know an oar from his asshole."
Kurt
"Brian is the same, shit he even gets sea sick thinking about being in a boat for a few days, this is going to be real fun I can just tell, to be honest I don't know how we are going to go in this challenge."
Lucy
"We could make that crossing so easily me and you shame we are on different teams....But."
Kurt
"What are you suggesting? I did three tours of duty with Brian...."
Lucy
"Oh cut the shit Kurt. We're all in it for the money, the fame nothing more nothing less don't give me we are old buddies blah blah blah....I'm married to that asshole back there for fucks sake. Look Jack is going to hold me back in this challenge just like Brian is with you, you know thats the truth we're both fucked if we stick with them. Jack is organising a boat Brian can take his chances with him, me, I want to make it to the final I want to win and I tell you now we stick with them and we are fucked, big time and you know it."
Kurt
"I know. But we've been friends for years been through a lot, I need time to think this through."
Lucy
"Time is the one thing you or me haven't got, this challenge is right here right now its make or break time, time to decide Kurt you want to win or you want to fade back into obscurity with nothing to show for it, step up or step the fuck off Kurt. Your choice."
Kurt
"I know I know....But fuck. You're right he will cost me the game, don't make it any easier though. Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck! Look, we got our boat sorted out paid $14,000 for the right to sail it across the sea. They are picking us up tomorrow afternoon. We leave on the evening tide."
Lucy
"For both of you why Jack is going to pay at least twenty grand see what I mean about him? Let me get my shit, I'll meet you back here in ten, just leave him a note telling him to contact Jack, its game on now. You with me? I mean are you really with me?"
Kurt
"Ok it's a deal we team up and fuck Jack and Brian off let them see how far they can go without us. You are one evil bitch Lucy! I love it! Just fucking love it!"
They walk off in different directions. Each of them heading back to their rooms. Cuts back to the studio. Oh's and ah's etc from audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"Well,well folks we really are moving into the end games here, teams are changing and people are trying to get whatever edge they can I just can't wait to see what Jack and Brian have to say about this, I'm sure they won't be all that happy. What a couple they are going to make. I can't wait to see those two in action together."
Cuts back to another dark room Carl and Sami talking.
"No, we can't pay that you're just going to have to take less from us hey you are making money on us taking the boat over."
Man
"But it is our reputation we always land our passengers."
Lucy
"Reputation oh please I've heard it all now you smuggle people for money, I've probably got more morals than you and trust me thats saying something."
Man
"If that is how you feel about it I can say no more and I wish you well in your endeavours."
Jack
"No wait....You just keep quiet I'll handle this....We can work this out please sit down....Please."
Lucy
"Well, you just work it all out Jack you be the man for once! It would make such a pleasant surprise."
Lucy gets up and leaves
Jack
"Yeah and fuck you too....Bitch."
Jack goes back into conversation with the man. voiceover
Johnny Paradis'
"Looks like there is a bit of tension between Jack and Lucy wonder how that will pan out?"
Lucy walks down a dark street in a small Indonesian town sees Kurt smoking leaning against a wall. She walks up to him and begins a conversation.
Lucy
"Hey Kurt, not allowed to smoke inside?"
Kurt
"Hey, yeah Brian gets a bit worked up about smoking says he "can't breathe properly" if someones smokes indoors."
Lucy
"Yeah, well that asshole Jack gets worked up about everything,you said you grew up around boats me too, charter boats, ocean racing it's in my blood whereas Jack, he wouldn't know an oar from his asshole."
Kurt
"Brian is the same, shit he even gets sea sick thinking about being in a boat for a few days, this is going to be real fun I can just tell, to be honest I don't know how we are going to go in this challenge."
Lucy
"We could make that crossing so easily me and you shame we are on different teams....But."
Kurt
"What are you suggesting? I did three tours of duty with Brian...."
Lucy
"Oh cut the shit Kurt. We're all in it for the money, the fame nothing more nothing less don't give me we are old buddies blah blah blah....I'm married to that asshole back there for fucks sake. Look Jack is going to hold me back in this challenge just like Brian is with you, you know thats the truth we're both fucked if we stick with them. Jack is organising a boat Brian can take his chances with him, me, I want to make it to the final I want to win and I tell you now we stick with them and we are fucked, big time and you know it."
Kurt
"I know. But we've been friends for years been through a lot, I need time to think this through."
Lucy
"Time is the one thing you or me haven't got, this challenge is right here right now its make or break time, time to decide Kurt you want to win or you want to fade back into obscurity with nothing to show for it, step up or step the fuck off Kurt. Your choice."
Kurt
"I know I know....But fuck. You're right he will cost me the game, don't make it any easier though. Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck! Look, we got our boat sorted out paid $14,000 for the right to sail it across the sea. They are picking us up tomorrow afternoon. We leave on the evening tide."
Lucy
"For both of you why Jack is going to pay at least twenty grand see what I mean about him? Let me get my shit, I'll meet you back here in ten, just leave him a note telling him to contact Jack, its game on now. You with me? I mean are you really with me?"
Kurt
"Ok it's a deal we team up and fuck Jack and Brian off let them see how far they can go without us. You are one evil bitch Lucy! I love it! Just fucking love it!"
They walk off in different directions. Each of them heading back to their rooms. Cuts back to the studio. Oh's and ah's etc from audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"Well,well folks we really are moving into the end games here, teams are changing and people are trying to get whatever edge they can I just can't wait to see what Jack and Brian have to say about this, I'm sure they won't be all that happy. What a couple they are going to make. I can't wait to see those two in action together."
Cuts back to another dark room Carl and Sami talking.
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