Johnny Paradis'
"And now folks we are going to cross to Natarsha Metsacker for a bit of background information on the people smuggling trade and some of the inherent risks our contestants are going to face."
Natarsha Metsacker news reader tall blonde bobbing head, looks of concern and a nice smile. She is standing on a naval dock. A warship behind her.
Natarsha Metsacker
"Thanks Johnny. Yes, this challenge presents a whole new set of problems for our contestants to overcome, we've provided them with links to different people smugglers and they must convince them that they can do the job, or should I say how much will they charge them to take control of a boat load of human misery with whom they will be at sea with for up to six days at sea in an overcrowded boat."
Cuts to pictures of overcrowded boatloads of people news photos, boats sinking, rescues.
Natarsha Metsacker
"Not only will they have to face the perils of mother nature the boats will be well to say the least pretty unseaworthy and they will have to evade Australian border security. If they get caught they are out of the race. not only that they have to avoid what befell David and Marcia you just can't trust smugglers like you used to, and what about the people they are smuggling?Many are fleeing war and persecution and they pay whatever is demanded and more to take their lives in their hands in the hope of a better life in Australia, the promised land down under, yes sharks, jellyfish, floods cyclones, snakes and crocodiles well I suppose they are desperate and as they say desperate times call for desperate measures. How many make it? How many perish at sea? These are questions we just can't answer with any degree of certainty. What we can be certain of Johnny is that it makes some people very rich but more importantly it makes for an excellent challenge for our contestants. Earlier on today I spoke to a Bundaberg Rum Australian Naval official."
Cuts to a Coast Guard Officer being interviewed on the naval dock.
Coast Guard
"G'day, I'm Lieutenant Stevo Graham its a real thrill to meet you please just call me Stevo, I just want to say I love the show never miss it. Hi Johnny. Hey kids Dads on Globetrotters. I love you Cheryl! Thats my wife she's a huge fan too. Can I get Johnny's autograph for her? Oh shit you won't use that bit?"
Natarsha Metsacker
"No, we'll edit out all the bits we don't want, here you are, just hold this up, will you?"
Hands Coast Guard a signed picture of Johnny which he holds up in front of himself.
"Coast Guard
Wow thats great thank-you so much the family are going to be rapt, this is going over the bar, pride of place some of my friends are going to be so jealous."
Natarsha Metsacker
"I'm joined now by Lieutenant Stevo' Graham, thank-you for speaking to us. Tonights challenge for our Globetrotters is to smuggle a boat load of people into Australia. What do you think there chances are?"
Coast Guard
"Seriously they have no chance of getting through we have boats, planes and a network of informants over here, we're going to get you guys. Sorry to say but your trot around the globe is coming to an end. Hope you like Australian prisons! I hear the food is pretty good these days."
Natarsha Metsacker
"Well, Johnny you heard it the Coast Guard are on the case, they don't hold out much chance for our contestants completing this challenge. Now back to you in the studio."
Coast Guard
"Oh can I say the catchphrase, please."
Natarsha Metsacker
"You go for it sailor."
Coast Guard
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! Thanks so much could I get a copy of that last bit before it gets cut out?"
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
Thanks Natarsha and thanks Stevo, like Natarsha said We'll edit out the bits we don't want, but didn't you know Stevo? We want it all ha,ha,ha,ha, remember we always love to hear from you with your thoughts and opinions no matter how inane some of them might be. Ha,ha,ha,ha, just kidding. You keep them coming in, you can email us at globetrotters.nowthatsanadventure@yahoo.com or give us your minute by minute thoughts on twitter, leave a message on Facebook the choice is yours. And don't forget to check out our interactive website for all the latest news gossip streaming pictures, and it's so cheap to have access to all of that why a premium package is only $75 a month. Think of the smiles on the kids faces when you tell them you have unlimited access to Globetrotters. You also gets great discounts on all the latest Globetrotters merchandise, I personally love these cuff links, they make a great gift for Father's day."
Shows off his cufflinks which have Johnny's face on them.
"This really does sound like a tough challenge for the teams, I wonder how they'll do? Those Coast Guard guys look like they mean business, they look like they know what they are doing and don't they look the part in those uniforms. But then again don't they always and one of our contestants always manages to get through. I really hope we get to see them in action though they look so up for the challenge. Well, now lets go back to our contestants they have all separated and our planning their strategies with the contacts inside the people smuggling operations we have set them up with they won't even know we are there, I just love spying in on them don't you?"
Cuts to dark room with Jack and Lucy and a masked man.
Tune in next week same Globetrotter time same Globetrotter channel and remember we love to hear your comments.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Episode 5
Johnny Paradis'
"Good Evening Globetrotters!"
Assembled people
"Good evening Johnny!"
Johnny Paradis'
"And how are we all tonight excited to find out what the next challenge is?"
Assembled people
"Oh yeah Johnny....We're pumped....Yeah's....Ready to go Johnny ready to go."
Johnny Paradis'
"Tonight have we got a challenge for you, you will have your normal seven days to complete the challenge and we'll be with you every step of the way."
Lucy
"What is it Johnny? Come on tell us put us out of our misery."
Johnny Paradis'
"I will Lucy I will I promise, I'm a man of my word, I just won't tell you what that word is ha,ha,ha,ha but seriously how are you guys feeling? Derrick you still think you have what it takes?"
Derrick
"I'm excited Johnny I just want to get stuck into this next challenge, we're determined to win, determined to kick ass I'm going to fuck up the competition show them what I'm made of."
Johnny Paradis'
"Thats the spirit Derrick you show us all who's the man! On a serious note folks. What impact has the loss of David and Marcia had on you? Sami, has it changed anything?"
Sami
"I mean its sad what happened to them but this is a race, a competition we're all here to win, I mean I really believe they were weak and weren't committed to winning. That's why they were eliminated."
Johnny Paradis'
"And you are Sami? Are you committed to winning?"
Sami
"Fuck yeah, one hundred and ten percent. I want to win all the money Johnny, all the money, and I want all the fame, I want to be a TV star, a youtube star I want it all. I want people to point me out and say fuck yeah there's that bitch Sami she'll kick your ass, don't fuck with her."
Johnny Paradis'
"You are one tough cookie Sami no doubt about that. Kurt and Brian you guys are getting the repudiation as the quiet ones to watch?"
Kurt
"That suits us just fine Johnny everyone keeps underestimating us but we're still here and we gonna be here at the end too, you mark my word folks. Kurt and Brian we aren't going nowhere but straight to the winners circle yes sir that's where we're headed."
Johnny Paradis'
"Not so quietly confident I like that plus I drew you guys in the office sweep, and at least this year it hasn't been the kiss of death to the contestants ha,ha,ha,ha, Well not so far anyway. And Jack what are you thinking?"
Jack
"I'm just excited about the next challenge Johnny can't wait to hear what it is. All I'm thinking is how can I win!"
Johnny Paradis'
Well, tonight folks you'll be going from Indonesia to Australia with a cargo of human misery! Thats right you guys will be hooked up with the smugglers and you will pilot the boat of people running from, well who knows what and where and hey should I pretend I care mmmm I don't think so ha,ha,ha,ha, all the way to Australia, make it to land and we'll be there to meet and greet you, and you'll be through to the next round. If you are caught or finish last you will be eliminated."
The gathered people jump up and down shouting and cheering.
Johnny Paradis'
"Well Globetrotters what do you think of that?"
Kurt
"Thats great Johnny I'm so excited I can't wait, I grew up on boats they're in my blood."
Johnny Paradis'
"So you feel you have an advantage there Kurt?"
Kurt
"Oh yeah Johnny we're as good as through! We'll show the others how it's done."
Brian
"Damn right we will Kurt!"
Jack
"Well we'll just see who makes it through Johnny but you can count on us being there."
Lucy
"We are going to win it Johnny no doubt about that, and theres nothing I, we won't do to win it Johnny."
Katherine
"I've never lost anything I've wanted to win in my life and I'm not going to start now."
Johnny Paradis'
"Positive thoughts there from all our teams and you can feel the tension in the air folks isn't that just the best? The atmosphere in there why it could almost cut your throat, you want to stay out of their way ha,ha,ha,ha, looks like they,re all going for gold."
Carl
"They can talk all the shit they want I know where the money is going and I know who the last couple standing is going to be."
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
I hear you Carl, you now have seven days to complete this challenge if you all make it
ha,ha,ha,ha what am I saying if you all make it, the last one over the line will be eliminated. Which is probably better than being exterminated just ask David and Marcia ha,ha,ha,ha, oh thats right you can't. Looks like we are in for a hard fought challenge everybody wants to win everybody is pumped up, what more do you want or need? Whats are catch phrase folks?"
Cuts back to the room where the contestants are. They all shout together.
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Johnny Paradis'
"SAY IT AGAIN PEOPLE LET ME HEAR YOU!"
Contestants
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Don't forget same Globetrotter channel same Globetrotter time. And remember we always love to hear your thoughts.
"Good Evening Globetrotters!"
Assembled people
"Good evening Johnny!"
Johnny Paradis'
"And how are we all tonight excited to find out what the next challenge is?"
Assembled people
"Oh yeah Johnny....We're pumped....Yeah's....Ready to go Johnny ready to go."
Johnny Paradis'
"Tonight have we got a challenge for you, you will have your normal seven days to complete the challenge and we'll be with you every step of the way."
Lucy
"What is it Johnny? Come on tell us put us out of our misery."
Johnny Paradis'
"I will Lucy I will I promise, I'm a man of my word, I just won't tell you what that word is ha,ha,ha,ha but seriously how are you guys feeling? Derrick you still think you have what it takes?"
Derrick
"I'm excited Johnny I just want to get stuck into this next challenge, we're determined to win, determined to kick ass I'm going to fuck up the competition show them what I'm made of."
Johnny Paradis'
"Thats the spirit Derrick you show us all who's the man! On a serious note folks. What impact has the loss of David and Marcia had on you? Sami, has it changed anything?"
Sami
"I mean its sad what happened to them but this is a race, a competition we're all here to win, I mean I really believe they were weak and weren't committed to winning. That's why they were eliminated."
Johnny Paradis'
"And you are Sami? Are you committed to winning?"
Sami
"Fuck yeah, one hundred and ten percent. I want to win all the money Johnny, all the money, and I want all the fame, I want to be a TV star, a youtube star I want it all. I want people to point me out and say fuck yeah there's that bitch Sami she'll kick your ass, don't fuck with her."
Johnny Paradis'
"You are one tough cookie Sami no doubt about that. Kurt and Brian you guys are getting the repudiation as the quiet ones to watch?"
Kurt
"That suits us just fine Johnny everyone keeps underestimating us but we're still here and we gonna be here at the end too, you mark my word folks. Kurt and Brian we aren't going nowhere but straight to the winners circle yes sir that's where we're headed."
Johnny Paradis'
"Not so quietly confident I like that plus I drew you guys in the office sweep, and at least this year it hasn't been the kiss of death to the contestants ha,ha,ha,ha, Well not so far anyway. And Jack what are you thinking?"
Jack
"I'm just excited about the next challenge Johnny can't wait to hear what it is. All I'm thinking is how can I win!"
Johnny Paradis'
Well, tonight folks you'll be going from Indonesia to Australia with a cargo of human misery! Thats right you guys will be hooked up with the smugglers and you will pilot the boat of people running from, well who knows what and where and hey should I pretend I care mmmm I don't think so ha,ha,ha,ha, all the way to Australia, make it to land and we'll be there to meet and greet you, and you'll be through to the next round. If you are caught or finish last you will be eliminated."
The gathered people jump up and down shouting and cheering.
Johnny Paradis'
"Well Globetrotters what do you think of that?"
Kurt
"Thats great Johnny I'm so excited I can't wait, I grew up on boats they're in my blood."
Johnny Paradis'
"So you feel you have an advantage there Kurt?"
Kurt
"Oh yeah Johnny we're as good as through! We'll show the others how it's done."
Brian
"Damn right we will Kurt!"
Jack
"Well we'll just see who makes it through Johnny but you can count on us being there."
Lucy
"We are going to win it Johnny no doubt about that, and theres nothing I, we won't do to win it Johnny."
Katherine
"I've never lost anything I've wanted to win in my life and I'm not going to start now."
Johnny Paradis'
"Positive thoughts there from all our teams and you can feel the tension in the air folks isn't that just the best? The atmosphere in there why it could almost cut your throat, you want to stay out of their way ha,ha,ha,ha, looks like they,re all going for gold."
Carl
"They can talk all the shit they want I know where the money is going and I know who the last couple standing is going to be."
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio.
Johnny Paradis'
I hear you Carl, you now have seven days to complete this challenge if you all make it
ha,ha,ha,ha what am I saying if you all make it, the last one over the line will be eliminated. Which is probably better than being exterminated just ask David and Marcia ha,ha,ha,ha, oh thats right you can't. Looks like we are in for a hard fought challenge everybody wants to win everybody is pumped up, what more do you want or need? Whats are catch phrase folks?"
Cuts back to the room where the contestants are. They all shout together.
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Johnny Paradis'
"SAY IT AGAIN PEOPLE LET ME HEAR YOU!"
Contestants
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE! NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Cuts back to Johnny in the studio. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Don't forget same Globetrotter channel same Globetrotter time. And remember we always love to hear your thoughts.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Episode 4
Johnny Paradis'
"Now before we move onto tonights exciting and thrill packed show lets get a quick update on all those whose trot around the globe has also sadly come to an end."
Cuts to pictures of the previous couples on the giant video screen. Then zooms in on one. First picture shows two men mid twenties.
Johnny Paradis'
"Adam and Simon are still in Prison in Sudan accused of aiding a terrorist organisation and are looking at the death penalty, seems a bit harsh but hey, what can you do? Law's are laws, especially if you get caught, which is what you guys did. With just a little help from Jack and Lucy. Hope you get out of that one boys."
Picture changes to a couple aged in their 30s.
Matt and Pam are still being held by the Chinese authorities. Apparently aiding Tibetan separatists is quite a big deal, who'd of thunk it eh? At least they won't be facing the death penalty if convicted, and just think of all that wonderful Chinese food they'll be getting. I'll have sweet and sour pork with that life sentence thank you very much ha,ha,ha,ha."
Picture changes to two glamourous women.
"Anna and Sadie the glamourous blondes are still being held captive somewhere in central Africa and negotiations are ongoing for their release. Hope the boys in foreign affairs have your pictures on their wall girls, thats all the motivation they'll need to get you home. Those two are just so, so, so hot, sorry I just couldn't help myself."
Picture changes to athletic looking Afro Americans couple.
"Charles and Sandra well, Sandra has been let out on bail on South Africa but Charles still faces a double murder charge, last we heard Sandra was trying to buy a passport on the black market, good luck Sandra you get that tidy little ass out of there and remember Johnny is waiting ha,ha,ha,ha. Was that too much? I don't think so ha,ha,ha,ha, oh my, hope the wife wasn't watching. Love you honey."
Picture changes to older couple.
"Molly and Simon well to be honest we have no news of them at all they seem to have disappeared off the face of the Earth, as you know we found their GPS bracelets in Somalia but thats all we got. Good luck guys you are never far from my google searches."
Picture changes to geeky looking couple.
"Brad and Carmella, well unfortunately as we know they couldn't get across the Korean border and have both been sentenced to life imprisonment for spying. Don't those crazy North Koreans have TV? Enjoy the free accommodation at that labour camp, why don't you look at it as an extreme health retreat and you never know another war on the peninsula may just provide you with the perfect diversion for an escape, and just think what a great show that would make."
Picture changes to tattooed and pierced couple.
"Sarah and Tommy were forced to retire after catching Malaria but they hope to be out of hospital soon and want to reapply for Globetrotters, now thats the spirit of adventure we want to see, can't keep good people down. Hope you make it through again guys."
Picture changes to father and daughter.
"And last but not least Bill and Stacey, well our father daughter team are still being held for ransom in Columbia, negotiations are continuing even as we speak all I can tell you they've put quite a price tag on their lives but what price can you put on fame? Hope your families and friends can raise the cash. You have to think there would be a bidding war for that story, except we get exclusive rights."
Cuts back to Johnny.
"We are with all of our previous contestants in spirit. But luckily, not in body, now tell me what other show offers you the chance to experience all of that?Ummm and your answer is? Waiting, no I don't know either ha,ha,ha,ha. But if you do come up with an answer please tell someone who cares. Seriously though good luck to all our former contestants wherever they are. And now on to tonight's show! Where we find ourselves on the Indonesian Islands we can't give our exact location away due to tonights challenge, I mean what they are about to do isn't exactly legal, and on this show why would it be. But more of that in a moment lets cross to our contestants. We are down to our own fab four couples they are Jack and Lucy, Kurt and Brian, Sami and Carl and last but by no means least Katherine and Derrick."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to a semi dark room with eight people in it on camera. Cuts around showing the view from the cameras in the point of view. Everyone in the room is holding an ipad and looking at Johnny on the screen. As Johnny speaks to each
individual it goes split screen on TV. Images are like those on Skype.
Tune in next week as the competition starts to really get underway. Same Globetrotter time same Globetrotter channel. And remember we also love to hear what you think.
"Now before we move onto tonights exciting and thrill packed show lets get a quick update on all those whose trot around the globe has also sadly come to an end."
Cuts to pictures of the previous couples on the giant video screen. Then zooms in on one. First picture shows two men mid twenties.
Johnny Paradis'
"Adam and Simon are still in Prison in Sudan accused of aiding a terrorist organisation and are looking at the death penalty, seems a bit harsh but hey, what can you do? Law's are laws, especially if you get caught, which is what you guys did. With just a little help from Jack and Lucy. Hope you get out of that one boys."
Picture changes to a couple aged in their 30s.
Matt and Pam are still being held by the Chinese authorities. Apparently aiding Tibetan separatists is quite a big deal, who'd of thunk it eh? At least they won't be facing the death penalty if convicted, and just think of all that wonderful Chinese food they'll be getting. I'll have sweet and sour pork with that life sentence thank you very much ha,ha,ha,ha."
Picture changes to two glamourous women.
"Anna and Sadie the glamourous blondes are still being held captive somewhere in central Africa and negotiations are ongoing for their release. Hope the boys in foreign affairs have your pictures on their wall girls, thats all the motivation they'll need to get you home. Those two are just so, so, so hot, sorry I just couldn't help myself."
Picture changes to athletic looking Afro Americans couple.
"Charles and Sandra well, Sandra has been let out on bail on South Africa but Charles still faces a double murder charge, last we heard Sandra was trying to buy a passport on the black market, good luck Sandra you get that tidy little ass out of there and remember Johnny is waiting ha,ha,ha,ha. Was that too much? I don't think so ha,ha,ha,ha, oh my, hope the wife wasn't watching. Love you honey."
Picture changes to older couple.
"Molly and Simon well to be honest we have no news of them at all they seem to have disappeared off the face of the Earth, as you know we found their GPS bracelets in Somalia but thats all we got. Good luck guys you are never far from my google searches."
Picture changes to geeky looking couple.
"Brad and Carmella, well unfortunately as we know they couldn't get across the Korean border and have both been sentenced to life imprisonment for spying. Don't those crazy North Koreans have TV? Enjoy the free accommodation at that labour camp, why don't you look at it as an extreme health retreat and you never know another war on the peninsula may just provide you with the perfect diversion for an escape, and just think what a great show that would make."
Picture changes to tattooed and pierced couple.
"Sarah and Tommy were forced to retire after catching Malaria but they hope to be out of hospital soon and want to reapply for Globetrotters, now thats the spirit of adventure we want to see, can't keep good people down. Hope you make it through again guys."
Picture changes to father and daughter.
"And last but not least Bill and Stacey, well our father daughter team are still being held for ransom in Columbia, negotiations are continuing even as we speak all I can tell you they've put quite a price tag on their lives but what price can you put on fame? Hope your families and friends can raise the cash. You have to think there would be a bidding war for that story, except we get exclusive rights."
Cuts back to Johnny.
"We are with all of our previous contestants in spirit. But luckily, not in body, now tell me what other show offers you the chance to experience all of that?Ummm and your answer is? Waiting, no I don't know either ha,ha,ha,ha. But if you do come up with an answer please tell someone who cares. Seriously though good luck to all our former contestants wherever they are. And now on to tonight's show! Where we find ourselves on the Indonesian Islands we can't give our exact location away due to tonights challenge, I mean what they are about to do isn't exactly legal, and on this show why would it be. But more of that in a moment lets cross to our contestants. We are down to our own fab four couples they are Jack and Lucy, Kurt and Brian, Sami and Carl and last but by no means least Katherine and Derrick."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to a semi dark room with eight people in it on camera. Cuts around showing the view from the cameras in the point of view. Everyone in the room is holding an ipad and looking at Johnny on the screen. As Johnny speaks to each
individual it goes split screen on TV. Images are like those on Skype.
Tune in next week as the competition starts to really get underway. Same Globetrotter time same Globetrotter channel. And remember we also love to hear what you think.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Episode 3
Youssef
"It has all been worked out for you now my friend David."
Marcia
"What's been worked out? We paid them to get us over the border with the well you know....What does he mean? Who are those men?"
David
"Shut up will you....Let me think....What's going on Youssef?"
Youssef
"You will go with these men that is all."
David
"What the fuck ! You said you would get us over the border and to where our rendezvous point is,you swore you would take us to...."
Youssef
"And you are now in that province I have kept my word."
David
"Surely we can work something out ? If its more money you need we can get you more look here take this."
The group of men walk towards them guns pointed at them.
Youssef
"Do as they say and all will be well In shah Allah."
The men grab both David and Marcia.
David
"Get your fucking hands off me, let go of me! What are you doing? I'll get you for this you bastard I'll fucking get you!"
Marcia
"You animals, bastards let me fucking go. Let me go......let me go."
They are dragged off kicking and screaming until they are knocked out and bound by the group of men. Cuts to a youtube video. Both are tied and kneeling a group of men stand behind them holding guns and largeknives in front of a flag. A political/revolutionary speech is made in a foreign language with subtitles in several languages
Speech is:
"Those who dare to invade our lands, those who bring their terror, their war, those who insult our culture our beliefs they will pay the price at the hands of the Sons of God....Let his work be done."
Then first David and then Marcia are beheaded. Heads are held up to the camera amid shouts and cheers from the masked men. Cuts back to the studio and Johnny.
Smiling photos of David and Marcia appear on screen. Cuts back to Johnny. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"Wow now thats what I call a Kodak moment folks ha,ha,ha,ha, Well, you can tell they didn't expect things to turn out like that. Thats something to tell the folks about back home about ha,ha,ha,ha....Oh sorry. Its hard to talk when you've lost your head like that. And here are some of our favourite David and Marcia moments."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to interview with Johnny and David and Marcia in their home.
Johnny Paradis'
"So guys, whats it like to be chosen from over one and a half million applicants worldwide to be on Globetrotters?"
Marcia
"We're so just so excited,just so excited we still can't believe it, and when I told my family and friends they were all like "OH MY GOD" that's unbelievable they were all just so happy for us!"
David
"It's a dream come true for us Johnny....I see it as our chance to really be someone....Someone real....Someone that matters."
Cuts to a scene of them on a truck in the jungle firing guns at another 4X4 chasing them. The trucks are bouncing around travelling at high speed.
Johnny Paradis'
"Who can forget that chase in Columbia? Not me, that's for sure and who'd have thought Marcia was such a good shot?"
Slow motion shot Marcia firing a gun and hitting the driver of the chasing 4X4. Cuts to a scene of them running through a slum in the Gaza strip. In the background fighting is going on between armed militias.
Johnny Paradis'
"Remember their adventure in the Gaza strip folks? What a week that was!"
Cuts to a scene of them arguing over directions and the price of Semtex. They are standing in an alleyway.
David
"I can't believe you agreed to that price for 20 kilos of Semtex, Christ I don't know if we'll be able to make a profit on it now. Shit we'll be lucky to break even."
Marcia
"I don't give a shit about that right now we got the stuff and thats, that. What I'm worried about is we have no fucking idea where we are or how to get back to the hotel. I've got a massage and facial booked for three you know. And if I miss that its non-refundable. I need to look my best in all these challenges I'm not going on TV looking like I've just been dragged through a hedge backwards, you have no idea what its like to be a woman."
Johnny Paradis'
"And who would have thought that Semtex would be so expensive and the hotel so hard to find again? Ah, the memories. Sometimes thats all we have left. Especially after the souvenirs have been re-gifted."
Cuts to a scene of them both smiling thumbs up saying.
David & Marcia
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Applause and cheers from the audience. Studio lights dim and Johnny takes on a very sombre tone.
Johnny Paradis'
"David and Marcia your trot around the globe has ended and you are gone but we'll never forget you, why you've had nearly a million messages left on Facebook since you came on Globetrotters. We'll never forget all those little things that made you, you and if we do, well we can always Goggle you ha,ha,ha,ha.Thanks guys you were great! Its just a shame your heads ended up on a plate oh my, what poetry. Now theres an idea, the Johnny Paradis' book of verse."
Tune in next week for the next exciting episode of Globetrotters. Same Globetrotter time same Globetrotter channel.
"It has all been worked out for you now my friend David."
Marcia
"What's been worked out? We paid them to get us over the border with the well you know....What does he mean? Who are those men?"
David
"Shut up will you....Let me think....What's going on Youssef?"
Youssef
"You will go with these men that is all."
David
"What the fuck ! You said you would get us over the border and to where our rendezvous point is,you swore you would take us to...."
Youssef
"And you are now in that province I have kept my word."
David
"Surely we can work something out ? If its more money you need we can get you more look here take this."
The group of men walk towards them guns pointed at them.
Youssef
"Do as they say and all will be well In shah Allah."
The men grab both David and Marcia.
David
"Get your fucking hands off me, let go of me! What are you doing? I'll get you for this you bastard I'll fucking get you!"
Marcia
"You animals, bastards let me fucking go. Let me go......let me go."
They are dragged off kicking and screaming until they are knocked out and bound by the group of men. Cuts to a youtube video. Both are tied and kneeling a group of men stand behind them holding guns and largeknives in front of a flag. A political/revolutionary speech is made in a foreign language with subtitles in several languages
Speech is:
"Those who dare to invade our lands, those who bring their terror, their war, those who insult our culture our beliefs they will pay the price at the hands of the Sons of God....Let his work be done."
Then first David and then Marcia are beheaded. Heads are held up to the camera amid shouts and cheers from the masked men. Cuts back to the studio and Johnny.
Smiling photos of David and Marcia appear on screen. Cuts back to Johnny. Applause and cheers from the audience.
Johnny Paradis'
"Wow now thats what I call a Kodak moment folks ha,ha,ha,ha, Well, you can tell they didn't expect things to turn out like that. Thats something to tell the folks about back home about ha,ha,ha,ha....Oh sorry. Its hard to talk when you've lost your head like that. And here are some of our favourite David and Marcia moments."
Applause and cheers from the audience. Cuts to interview with Johnny and David and Marcia in their home.
Johnny Paradis'
"So guys, whats it like to be chosen from over one and a half million applicants worldwide to be on Globetrotters?"
Marcia
"We're so just so excited,just so excited we still can't believe it, and when I told my family and friends they were all like "OH MY GOD" that's unbelievable they were all just so happy for us!"
David
"It's a dream come true for us Johnny....I see it as our chance to really be someone....Someone real....Someone that matters."
Cuts to a scene of them on a truck in the jungle firing guns at another 4X4 chasing them. The trucks are bouncing around travelling at high speed.
Johnny Paradis'
"Who can forget that chase in Columbia? Not me, that's for sure and who'd have thought Marcia was such a good shot?"
Slow motion shot Marcia firing a gun and hitting the driver of the chasing 4X4. Cuts to a scene of them running through a slum in the Gaza strip. In the background fighting is going on between armed militias.
Johnny Paradis'
"Remember their adventure in the Gaza strip folks? What a week that was!"
Cuts to a scene of them arguing over directions and the price of Semtex. They are standing in an alleyway.
David
"I can't believe you agreed to that price for 20 kilos of Semtex, Christ I don't know if we'll be able to make a profit on it now. Shit we'll be lucky to break even."
Marcia
"I don't give a shit about that right now we got the stuff and thats, that. What I'm worried about is we have no fucking idea where we are or how to get back to the hotel. I've got a massage and facial booked for three you know. And if I miss that its non-refundable. I need to look my best in all these challenges I'm not going on TV looking like I've just been dragged through a hedge backwards, you have no idea what its like to be a woman."
Johnny Paradis'
"And who would have thought that Semtex would be so expensive and the hotel so hard to find again? Ah, the memories. Sometimes thats all we have left. Especially after the souvenirs have been re-gifted."
Cuts to a scene of them both smiling thumbs up saying.
David & Marcia
"NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Applause and cheers from the audience. Studio lights dim and Johnny takes on a very sombre tone.
Johnny Paradis'
"David and Marcia your trot around the globe has ended and you are gone but we'll never forget you, why you've had nearly a million messages left on Facebook since you came on Globetrotters. We'll never forget all those little things that made you, you and if we do, well we can always Goggle you ha,ha,ha,ha.Thanks guys you were great! Its just a shame your heads ended up on a plate oh my, what poetry. Now theres an idea, the Johnny Paradis' book of verse."
Tune in next week for the next exciting episode of Globetrotters. Same Globetrotter time same Globetrotter channel.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Episode 2
"As you will recall our contestants were in the North West Frontier region of Pakistan where they had to cross the border with weapons into Afghanistan tribal wars need plenty of weapons. NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE!"
Applause and cheers from the audience. Turns to a different camera. Points at the large video screen.
"Each of our couples were paired with a different group of smugglers, why they even found the time to take some happy snaps for the folks back home......have a look at these. Don't you just love a woman with an assault rifle? I know I do ha,ha,ha,ha."
Still images of smiling contestants with the smugglers appear on screen all of them draped in guns set in mountains or desert. Names of the contestants under each picture. Each one has a greeting on it.
Derrick & Katherine Happy 21st Michelle Derrick and Katherine are dark haired dark skinned athletic.
Kurt & Brian DUDES WE ARE HERE! Two ex army men Brian short and stocky Kurt tall and solid.
Jack & Lucy Congratulations Kim and Mark. Hello baby Misha! Jack tall blonde Lucy red head.
David & Marcia Hi Mrs Colbert told you we wouldn't forget. David and Marcia are mid 30s slightly overweight
Carl & Sami We're so sorry for your loss Uncle Tony. We loved Aunty Jan. Carl average height well built Sami small blonde very fit.
Johnny Paradis'
"Wow don't they all look the part,just look what the well dressed Afghan fighter is wearing this year, pretty much what he has for the last 500. The more things change the more they stay the same don't you know. I'm Sorry to say however, not everything went according to plan for David and Maria, no in fact I'm not sorry at all ha,ha,ha,ha. It makes for great viewing,was it them? Was it just bad luck ? What I can tell you though, is they were double crossed by......Well as you know we never give away the names of those involved in anything untoward that happens to our contestants. To protect the guilty we might just name the innocent ha,ha,ha,ha. Did I just say name the innocent, tell me, who is innocent ? Especially on this show. I'm yet to meet them.
But hey, are'nt those smugglers funny guys. What can we say no honour among thieves ha,ha,ha,ha. Heres the footage of them being double crossed, just have a look at Dave's face he is one unhappy camper. Just look how angry he is. And poor Marcia she is just stunned and or amazed. Its just too funny for words so here are the pictures."
Cuts to vision of two groups of men with two other people slightly to the side loud discussion going on in what sounds like Arabic one man walks back to the two people standing apart. He's a hardbitten looking bearded man as are all the others. All of them are armed to the teeth.
Find out what happens next week !
Applause and cheers from the audience. Turns to a different camera. Points at the large video screen.
"Each of our couples were paired with a different group of smugglers, why they even found the time to take some happy snaps for the folks back home......have a look at these. Don't you just love a woman with an assault rifle? I know I do ha,ha,ha,ha."
Still images of smiling contestants with the smugglers appear on screen all of them draped in guns set in mountains or desert. Names of the contestants under each picture. Each one has a greeting on it.
Derrick & Katherine Happy 21st Michelle Derrick and Katherine are dark haired dark skinned athletic.
Kurt & Brian DUDES WE ARE HERE! Two ex army men Brian short and stocky Kurt tall and solid.
Jack & Lucy Congratulations Kim and Mark. Hello baby Misha! Jack tall blonde Lucy red head.
David & Marcia Hi Mrs Colbert told you we wouldn't forget. David and Marcia are mid 30s slightly overweight
Carl & Sami We're so sorry for your loss Uncle Tony. We loved Aunty Jan. Carl average height well built Sami small blonde very fit.
Johnny Paradis'
"Wow don't they all look the part,just look what the well dressed Afghan fighter is wearing this year, pretty much what he has for the last 500. The more things change the more they stay the same don't you know. I'm Sorry to say however, not everything went according to plan for David and Maria, no in fact I'm not sorry at all ha,ha,ha,ha. It makes for great viewing,was it them? Was it just bad luck ? What I can tell you though, is they were double crossed by......Well as you know we never give away the names of those involved in anything untoward that happens to our contestants. To protect the guilty we might just name the innocent ha,ha,ha,ha. Did I just say name the innocent, tell me, who is innocent ? Especially on this show. I'm yet to meet them.
But hey, are'nt those smugglers funny guys. What can we say no honour among thieves ha,ha,ha,ha. Heres the footage of them being double crossed, just have a look at Dave's face he is one unhappy camper. Just look how angry he is. And poor Marcia she is just stunned and or amazed. Its just too funny for words so here are the pictures."
Cuts to vision of two groups of men with two other people slightly to the side loud discussion going on in what sounds like Arabic one man walks back to the two people standing apart. He's a hardbitten looking bearded man as are all the others. All of them are armed to the teeth.
Find out what happens next week !
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Episode 1
(After opening credits cuts to a TV studio. Applause and cheers from the audience. Johnny Paradis' comes out on stage shaking hands with audience members smiling and waving.)
Johnny Paradis':"Good evening, and welcome to GLOBETROTTERS….NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE !"
"I'm your host Johnny Paradis"
(Applause and cheers from the audience.)
"Globetrotters the show where contestants are challenged to do the unthinkable to try and achieve the unobtainable…well it is for most of you ha,ha,ha,ha and that's fame and fortune.
Proudly brought to you by our sponsors Extreme Tourism….Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven."
Applause and cheers from the audience.
"Our teams were given $200,000 and using only these funds and their wits they've traversed the globe bribing, cheating, lying, stealing doing whatever they've got to do to be the last team standing and be crowned Globetrotters. Each week we set our teams a challenge which pushes their moral limits their physical limits and the limits of their life expectancy."
(Applause and cheers from the audience.)
"This is reality television as it's meant to be, real people, real lives, 360 degree vision 24/7, and that perfect sound perfect vision is brought to you by OmniCam".…"Whatever you see we see. Hidden film crews, satellite images all ensure we never miss a moment. All the action, reactions and the consequences that befall our contestants. We see all the blood sweat and tears the lies the subterfuge the schemes and the plans broadcast online streaming 24hrs a day and on satellite to our global audience of one point five billion through our good friends at Coyote Media….Why howl at the Moon when you can howl with the TV. And please don't forget a subscription makes such a great gift. Contact Coyote media they have a plan that suits every budget. We started with twelve teams of two now we are down to the final four teams, tonight we will lose one team. As with three rounds to go the game comes down to the wire…..The excitement, why I can almost taste it! The last couple standing will walk away with a first prize of $20,000,000 ! Yes, thats right 20,000,000 big ones tax free! And the prize also includes our free relocation service. Who knows what they might have done to win it.But thats all to come and I can hardly wait, Can you? I seriously doubt it.But first lets look back at last weeks show and remind ourselves what happened to David and Marcia our last couple to have their trot around the globe come to an end."
Johnny Paradis':"Good evening, and welcome to GLOBETROTTERS….NOW THATS AN ADVENTURE !"
"I'm your host Johnny Paradis"
(Applause and cheers from the audience.)
"Globetrotters the show where contestants are challenged to do the unthinkable to try and achieve the unobtainable…well it is for most of you ha,ha,ha,ha and that's fame and fortune.
Proudly brought to you by our sponsors Extreme Tourism….Holidays in Hell are our kind of Heaven."
Applause and cheers from the audience.
"Our teams were given $200,000 and using only these funds and their wits they've traversed the globe bribing, cheating, lying, stealing doing whatever they've got to do to be the last team standing and be crowned Globetrotters. Each week we set our teams a challenge which pushes their moral limits their physical limits and the limits of their life expectancy."
(Applause and cheers from the audience.)
"This is reality television as it's meant to be, real people, real lives, 360 degree vision 24/7, and that perfect sound perfect vision is brought to you by OmniCam".…"Whatever you see we see. Hidden film crews, satellite images all ensure we never miss a moment. All the action, reactions and the consequences that befall our contestants. We see all the blood sweat and tears the lies the subterfuge the schemes and the plans broadcast online streaming 24hrs a day and on satellite to our global audience of one point five billion through our good friends at Coyote Media….Why howl at the Moon when you can howl with the TV. And please don't forget a subscription makes such a great gift. Contact Coyote media they have a plan that suits every budget. We started with twelve teams of two now we are down to the final four teams, tonight we will lose one team. As with three rounds to go the game comes down to the wire…..The excitement, why I can almost taste it! The last couple standing will walk away with a first prize of $20,000,000 ! Yes, thats right 20,000,000 big ones tax free! And the prize also includes our free relocation service. Who knows what they might have done to win it.But thats all to come and I can hardly wait, Can you? I seriously doubt it.But first lets look back at last weeks show and remind ourselves what happened to David and Marcia our last couple to have their trot around the globe come to an end."
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Johnny Paradis Profile.
Johnny Paradis'. Born August 15th 2009 in London. At the age of 18 he moved to Tokyo with his girlfriend Yoko the daughter of a prominent Yakuza boss. It was during his time in Tokyo that he got his first opportunity in television on the multi-lingual Japanese game show Crazy Kamikaze. After four years working on this show he suddenly left Japan and Facebook rumours alluded to a falling out with his girlfriend and her father. After moving to the USA Johnny tried a number of things a small internet company that went into liquidation and a production company that was put into receivership by the IRS. In 2036 he resurrected his career as the host of the popular game show Shoplifters where contestants were filmed trying to steal objects from shops. The contestant with the highest value of stolen items kept what they had stolen plus a cash prize. In 2037 Johnny made headlines for all the wrong reasons after being arrested in a hotel room with several high class call girls and porn stars. A large amount of cocaine was seized. The police were called when Johnny started wrecking the hotel room and acting irrationally. In 2039 he persuaded several sponsors to back the worldwide smash hit that is Globetrotters which has an average worldwide audience of one point five billion. Johnny is the producer and host. He works in close collaboration with long time friend Dwayne Peters.
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